Long story, I'll try to condense. Aunt and uncle never had kids, small farm, live simply, have enough money to live on, still own their land. Always were very private. Uncle always disliked kids and basically hates everybody. Figures everyone is ripping him off. In ther 80's. They can still drive and take care of themselves. Their farm renter and neighbor called me and is worried. My uncle is even more irrational. Thinks just because the farmer sprayed the crops while they were gone that he 's spraying his garden and killing it. He hides behind his sunflowers and spies on the farmer accross the road (his renter). This farmer is a lifelong neighbor and family friend-(or was). Several years ago stuff went missing from uncle barn and I suspect local kids. Uncle thinks the farmers parnter is "stealing everyhting and coming over with a hand sprayer and spraying his tomatoes". and on and on. Now he told the neighbor he's "gonna get that guy before I die". Neighbor/farmer is afraid he might shoot at the partner. I'm the administrator of the estate but thats all. I have to be REAL careful what I say because he hates kids and to him I'm still a kid. My mom always made sure we were nice to them and rightly so, they are family but I don't know what to do.
- Thread starter redtom
- Start date
buickanddeere
Well-known Member
Document every little thing in detail within a book with time, date and who ever else was around to see and hear events.
This will likely end up in court and your butt needs to be covered. The courts seem to take writing in a little black book as the gospel.
If dementia has taken over your Uncle's mind. Don't feel badly about battling the disease. Your are working against it, not your Uncle.
This will likely end up in court and your butt needs to be covered. The courts seem to take writing in a little black book as the gospel.
If dementia has taken over your Uncle's mind. Don't feel badly about battling the disease. Your are working against it, not your Uncle.
Tony in Mass.
Well-known Member
Look up your local 'council on aging'. Any local doctor will have the number- or if your know his/their doctor, call him. there are presciptions that 'might' calm him down. This is not uncommon. Good luck.
actually more common occurance then a person would think. just went thru is with a neighbor.
lifetime friend. now we don't speak. i tried to help his daughters when asked. they left me out on a limb. the less u say to his face, the better off you are! working behind the scene is the advice i'll give.
lifetime friend. now we don't speak. i tried to help his daughters when asked. they left me out on a limb. the less u say to his face, the better off you are! working behind the scene is the advice i'll give.
Ken Macfarlane
Well-known Member
We've got a neighbour like that, delusional. Its not a case of wise old man. I thought I'd help him put bushhogging an overgrown field. He put the run to me screaming I'm not a stupid man, I know what you're trying to do! I still have no clue what he thought I was trying to do, his field is all overgrown now.
I know what i would do,if i were the renter i would simply walk away.run out the lease and give it up.absolutely no reason for everyone to be upset,and trust me having been there my ownself more than once,it doesnt matter what you say,or do,or anyone else for that matter. if his(or her) mind tells them something,even something so far fetched as to be completly stupid,to them it is absolutely 100% real.MY wife and I took care of her grandmother for close to 30 years,she was rarely rational,and the things her mind told her she saw was 100% fact.my old mother god bless her,is the same way now.I had to remove a rug from her room at the assisted living center shes at because she absolutly KNEW the flowered design on it was snakes.its a sad thing,and its not easy,but its a fact of life.better to stop the problems now,rather than letting them escalate.just explain to the renter what the problem is,let your uncle be at peace as much as possible,because trust me it doesnt get better.Just dont ever make the mistake of aggreeing with him,try to explain whats real even if he gets mad (and he will,they all do). if you start aggreeing with him,that just reinforces his beliefs.and things can get out of hand very very fast.its hard but you have to try to keep him grounded.its very easy to say ok,ok, and walk away.its hard to say time and time again he's wrong,but thats what you have to do.dont argue ,that makes you a lowlife also in their minds,just explain the situation as it really is,and let it go.I feel for you, its a hard thing to watch and deal with.I'm beginning to see it taking hold of my wife whos been Ill for sevaral years now.her mind is going,she cant remember anything,everyone and everything is against her,and shes sees things that to her is absolutly real.best you can hope for is to when they start acting like that is to completly change he subject,find something you know he was interested in,even though he comes up with some crazy answer,question him about it,let his mind fixate on something positive instead of all ways negative.its sad but the human mind all ways tends to hang up on the negative,we all see that every day,its like when one of our old tractors quits and we immediatly assume the worst.what you want to do as much as possible,is to turn his mind away from the bad and focus on something positive.when he starts talking bad about his neighbor,simply change the subject around to the good things about him.good luck!
Was a - looks like 200 acre or so - farm near here, didn't get planted right one year. Corn got in, beans never did really. Corn was never harvested, stood for 2 years, lad for one more. Beans were very slowly harvested. Farm wasn't planted for 3-4 years. Wheat was planted - in late June. And so on and so forth. Machinery would all come out. Week later all go back away. Nothing was actually done with the machinery.
Obviously things weren't right.
But the fella paidhis prop taxes, and so nothing could be done. He was good enough to keep up, but delusional and 'everyone was against him' and so on too.
--->Paul
Obviously things weren't right.
But the fella paidhis prop taxes, and so nothing could be done. He was good enough to keep up, but delusional and 'everyone was against him' and so on too.
--->Paul
Not a good situation, but one thing is for sure, make sure there isn't any real ammunition in his guns if he has them... Get some blanks if he checks to see if they are loaded, at least if he only has blanks he can only scare someone if he chooses to go that route... I delt with my grandmother with dimensia, not good, they can go off at the drop of a pin....
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
Put an ocean between you and them.............
Mom hung up on me 3 or 4 times when I called her last christmas thinking she was buzzing me in the door. Brother had to go to her place and answer the phone so she could talk to me. Week later, I called her and she was sharp as a tack.
For many years my grandmother thought a neighbor, whom was a very nice and friendly one was moving one of these old stone walls, this farm was located in the mountains of eastern ny near the mass. border, old large round stones, that no one has touched long since before her days. She had dementia, it was the beginning. The problem we had was not so much her care, but rival'ng family members in regards to her estate, which basically helped destroy our family due to ensuing disagreements, thankfully, I knew to stay out of it, nothing I could do with a bunch of old fools who do know better to argue about someone elses assets, people are so full of greed and contempt, and her care lacked til she was removed and brought somewhere else to get the care she needed then, very sad to see such a vibrant, self sufficient woman decline like she did. Her care was not easy, but it was given, I still think conniving relatives with bad intentions are a serious aspect that goes along with someone who is suffering from these kinds of problems, hopefully you can put your thoughts together, along with advice from friends family etc, to help with the situation, providing care they need, its not an easy thing to contend with either, unruly siblings just make it worse.
If he's acting like that over the neighbor, do you REALLY think he's going to agree to see a doctor?
You're going to have to drag him kicking and screaming, and when the doctor asks him, the doc's going to get nothing but guff from the old man. "Ain't nothing wrong with me. That no-good kid is trying to get me committed so he can get his hands on my land and money, and you're in on it you no-good money-grubbing quack!"
You can't expect an irrational person to act in a rational way.
You're going to have to drag him kicking and screaming, and when the doctor asks him, the doc's going to get nothing but guff from the old man. "Ain't nothing wrong with me. That no-good kid is trying to get me committed so he can get his hands on my land and money, and you're in on it you no-good money-grubbing quack!"
You can't expect an irrational person to act in a rational way.
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
If you are the administrator of the estate, I assume that there is a will and other paperwork concerning your aunt and uncle's affairs. You need to be talking to the attorney that made up that paperwork, to see what you need to be doing considering the circumstances you describe. If you were designated as the person who has authority to act for your relatives when they are no longer able to make rational decisions, it might be time to start the process to have your uncle declared incompetent. How that works in your state will be something that the lawyer should be able to tell you. Be prepared for a fight though...it WILL happen.
A paper trail should be started. A police report should be made about the threats of harm, probably by the person who actually heard the threats made. Potential witness information should be given to the person making the report.
In my state, we have an agency called Adult Protective Services, which has social workers that investigate problems of the aged. Maybe your state has something similar that might be able to help the situation.
I don't know what you should tell the guy who is farming your relative's land. You might want to talk to your own attorney about the situation, to get their guidance. I would be inclined to suggest that the farmer just stay away from your uncle's property, but if they have investment in a crop there, they probably would not want to do that. Or they might sue your aunt and uncle and/or you.
Believing that things are being stolen that really have not been stolen is a sign of Alzheimers or dementia closing in. Did things really disappear? Could spray drift have really hurt the garden? Documenting things is a really good idea.
This is a really tough problem, and there is no set, correct way to handle it. I just had to place my 95 year old mother in a secured dementia facility, after she walked away from the assisted living unit she had been in for about a year repeatedly. She has very little short term memory and not much long term memory. She cannot make most decisions for herself anymore, and since I was the person she chose when she and her attorney made out her paperwork years ago, now I am essentially her guardian.
Be prepared to be criticized, no matter what you do or don't do. Good luck!
A paper trail should be started. A police report should be made about the threats of harm, probably by the person who actually heard the threats made. Potential witness information should be given to the person making the report.
In my state, we have an agency called Adult Protective Services, which has social workers that investigate problems of the aged. Maybe your state has something similar that might be able to help the situation.
I don't know what you should tell the guy who is farming your relative's land. You might want to talk to your own attorney about the situation, to get their guidance. I would be inclined to suggest that the farmer just stay away from your uncle's property, but if they have investment in a crop there, they probably would not want to do that. Or they might sue your aunt and uncle and/or you.
Believing that things are being stolen that really have not been stolen is a sign of Alzheimers or dementia closing in. Did things really disappear? Could spray drift have really hurt the garden? Documenting things is a really good idea.
This is a really tough problem, and there is no set, correct way to handle it. I just had to place my 95 year old mother in a secured dementia facility, after she walked away from the assisted living unit she had been in for about a year repeatedly. She has very little short term memory and not much long term memory. She cannot make most decisions for herself anymore, and since I was the person she chose when she and her attorney made out her paperwork years ago, now I am essentially her guardian.
Be prepared to be criticized, no matter what you do or don't do. Good luck!
Amen. Leave him be. Are you sure that someone isnt screwing with him? People start getting parnoid when they get dementia. That doesnt mean that they arent capable of pretty well taking care of themselves. How many people has he shot in the last 80 years? Probably about the same amount he will shoot the next 80.
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