(800) 853-2651
SHOP NOW

Self Esteem

showcrop

showcrop

Well-known Member
My wife of 39 years and I were talking about self esteem yesterday. We were both full grown before we found out about the great need for it. Lack of it doesn't seem to have hurt either of us too much, and we think that perhaps it helps in a marriage to not be always concerned with it. It being Sunday I thought is probably a good time to bring this up as I know that many of you will go or have gone to church today, and we know that the Bible is very clear on this topic. So, anyway we were talking about the possible correlation between the self esteem thing starting back in the late 70s and the fact that 50% of all marriages now end in divorce. Do you think that self esteem gets in the way of marriage and maybe job satisfaction and maybe even just life in general?
 
I'm not sure about self esteem, but I kinda think there's a lot of lack of respect for each other now than there was. Also a feeling that for some reason, society owes me by the younger generation. Lack of morals nowdays also play a big part in the divorce rate. Just my thoughts, Keith
 
Showcrop,


I believe you are on to something. I've coached little league baseball for years and I've seen a great change in the attitude of both players and parents. If I hear the word "awesome" one my time I think I might slit my wrists. Boys who don't know which end of a baseball to pick up are constantly flattered and praised for doing virtually nothing. Then, they seem to believe the flattery, get lazy, and expect to be rewarded for nothing.

I believe this spills over into the workplace and the home. Self-centered people with lack of discipline somehow think that every one else owes them something.

At least, that's one old man's observation.

Tom in TN
 
It's all about balance, something we don't seem to have anywhere in this country anymore. we need self esteem just don't need a ship load every day.
 
Having taught 10-11 year old students for the last ten years, I too see the steady increase of the "you owe it to me" attitude. I recently had a student question me as to why I circled misspelled words on his paper? When I told him it was because he needed to use a dictionary and look up the correct spelling of the words that were wrong, his response was "What, so you're to lazy to do it, so I have to?" Saddest part of the whole thing is that I know his parents pretty well, and that would have been the response of either of them. I truly believe he thought that was a completely acceptable thing to say, as that is what he hears all the time at home. The whole idea "society owes me something" is ruining our country at a very rapid pace, at least from what I am seeing in rural MN classrooms.
 
The "self esteem" deal is remarkably different than when I was a kid. Today, school children jump invisible (imaginary) jump ropes so that those incapable of jumping won"t have their feelings hurt. In my day, we jumped barb wire jump ropes to make damn sure we got over.
Self Esteem-> self agrandizement-> entitlement-> disrespect for others: its all tied in to the sure degradation of values that is killing the United STates."Rap Values" infiltrating America. Ever see that big mouthed player on the losing team strut around after making a marginal hit, like he actually did something? The Albert Freakin" Hainesworth philosophy....
 
Funny you should come to this conclusion also. I just read an article about this and it compares our style of child raising (the USA) to some other countries. We tend to have an attitude of 'children first' (or helicopter parenting) to the sacrifice of all else. Kids never earn (or lose) things on their own. Many other countries have the philosophy of 'parents first'. It went on to say that our way ingrains our kids with a lifelong sense of intitlement. What do you think?
 
I agree with most of what you siad Tom, and not trying to be a a$$, OK maybe just a little, but I think I also would have a hard time determining one end of a "baseball" from the other and I'm 52. .LOL PS I do now what you meant. Rocko.
 

means a lot to me... If my wife didn't have it, she'd be history, dogs and horses the same.... Friends... history.....

But self esteem is like a smile, if you see someone without one, give em yours.... If it don't give them one, there's nothing else you can do...

That's just me.........

If you want to compare it and make it a religious thing... ask a few little catholic boys how the preacher boosted thiers....
 
I think that the reason that there is a 50% divorce rate is due to many reasons, like:
Women now work, decades ago most woman did not work. A woman needed the husband to work and support the family.
Self esteem is also a factor but I was told that before WW2 most couples stayed together because there were not that many lawyers to push for divorces. Judges frowned on it I am told.
Also the whole world is set on, having all women look like models, my wife is not model material but many men go out and get the younger woman and "trade up" and get divorced. It is a lot easier to get divorced now then 60 years ago.
 
I don't know about anyone else here, but I have had
my 'self-esteem' built over the years by getting the
crap kicked out of me by life AND NOT QUITTING. Not
that I get a big head out of it, since the next
esteem building session is probably just around the
corner.

Christopher
 
Well, I've noticed this for a few years now, but this year is this most alarming. A majority of the students seem to have the attitude that "I don't have to work hard or do things I don't want to because someone else will eventually do it for me." One thing that really frustrates me is a student who literally fails every subject because of pure laziness will move on to the next grade in school them same as the student who worked their backside off trying to do their very best. It is so bad now that as teachers we can't retain students because not passing them to the next grade could hurt their self esteem. Things are out of control! What will this place look like in the next 25-50 years? It literally scares me most days.
 
I used to equate self esteem with pride and accomplishment. Clearly that is not the case any more. Their seems to be a lot of self esteem among the younger set, most of whom have not showed me anything for them to be proud of. When I go to the grand kids soccer games {that in itself says alot, what happened to baseball} I see a bunch of kids running around with their heads up their kiester making their parents happy. Their are no cheers or pats on the back like we used to get for hitting a home run or making a good catch in the outfield. This tends to spill over into their school work, and also work ethic, which is nothing! When we were kids working for wages, whether it be picking rock, or moving sprinkler pipe, or hauling hay we made every thing a competition and took great pride in our accomplishments, not screwing the farmer that gave us a job......I wonder how many kids today can say they had some one come to their home and offer them a job based on some one elses recommindation? Just my thoughts
 
Lack of self esteem would be the feeling that you are inferior to some degree. The feeling that you are owed or entitled would be arrogance at some degree.

Both have different degrees which can be from hard to detect to being irritating to others.
 
I don't think you will see the lack of self esteem on this board. Warren Buffet made the quote years ago. "That a major key to financial success is to stay married" That is a big factor in keeping me married to the same person for 35 years. I never wanted to have to divide up everything I've worked for all my life. Of coarse the are allot of other factors that have kept me married to my wife. Thats just one I thought I would mention. My wife and most people I know have heard me say it many a time.
 
Most of this type nonsense was dreamt up in the last 35 years or so to camouflage the complete and abject failure of abundant educational policies and related social engineering. "low self esteem" is as hyped up and phony as "depression" in most cases, each term is used to justify and excuse someones laziness and lack of gumption. There are many reasons for the increase in failed marriages, it is now socially acceptable where it was not in the past, people are selfish, people are stupid and believe the things they see in movies and TV and read about the lifestyles they supposedly are missing.
 
There are recent, well designed, psychological studies providing
evidence that self esteem is not to important for
success or happiness.
I believe there are three ways people think of
self esteem:
Inflated ego esteem (worthless as the vacuum it is
based on)
Feel good esteem (based on how happy a person
feels, and subject to wild swings)
---Real Esteem--- (based on personal competency as
a human being satisfied in life, rich in friends,
and engaged in reality and others, validated by
relationships and trust)
Real esteem is not fed by riches, or fancy, or
power over others, it is lived every day through
delivery of best effort, acceptance of
responsibility, and recovery from that which goes
wrong despite real effort and intention. As a
teacher, I have found the above components to be
of value to my way of influencing students from
children to those older than I am. Jim
 
For the younger crowd every thing comes way to
easy.My self in general. I started out with the
family farm. A thing my parents worked there whole
life for. Every one in the family worked together
to make a go of it. There was not the money like
there is now.We got a toy for Christmas and one
for are birthday. And were very happy with that.
My kids get more toys in one year than I got all
my whole life. I sometime think its are own fault
for wanting to give them what we didn't have. Know
one want's to work together or share any more.
Seems like every got selfish It's all about me.
There is no pride left in working for it. Short of
money ask the government. Know one has to stick
together.So how is a life or marriage suppose to
work.
 
"decades ago most women did not work"???. Ooops.
But I understand what you meant. Women have always worked, but we weren't always wage earners.

I strongly disagree with the high pressure marketing ploy that women must look like something that doesn't exist in real life.

The fact of the matter is, all facets of our lives have fallen victim to high pressure marketing that force feeds us to believe that if we don't have a big house, multiple cars, look like a movie star, etc, etc, etc. we're second class.

That's where a lot of the self esteem issues come from. Men and women are trying to meet the false, force fed marketing standards and when we can't, it leads to low self esteem.

In real life, how many of you actually know someone or have even seen someone who looks like the men and women on tv that we are force fed to believe that's what we should look like?

Why should I let someone who doesn't even know me, tell me how I should look or dress?!
 
Far too many people confuse Self worth and self importance. Feeling good about yourself is not a license to feel superior to others. And quite a few people try to belittle others in an attempt to create the self illusion they're more important that the next person.

Find a way to escape those pitfalls, and "self esteem" is a good thing. Otherwise, it's just a rationalization for a serious character flaw.

JMHO, YMMV.
 
You know, ROCKO, that "might" have been an accidental slip of his fingers...or an accidental slip of his mind...but I think there is a whole train car of stuff there to think about and discuss with just his little baseball analogy thing.

Let's not confuse self-esteem with pride.

Rick
 
"The fact of the matter is, all facets of our lives have fallen victim to high pressure marketing that <font size="4" color="red">force feeds us</font> to believe that if we don't have a big house, multiple cars, look like a movie star, etc, etc, etc. we're second class."

Good post Nancy, but I do have to take exception to the force feeding bit.
No one is forcing you to watch your - expletive deleted - television and no one is forcing you to buy those awful "womens" magazines at the check out counter of the grocery store.
Those two sources are probably the worst offenders when it comes to making women think they don't add up in the ideal woman department.
But I've never seen anyone hold a gun to your head and make you watch/buy the crap.
 
The current meaning of "self esteem" is, its all about me and to he-- with everyone else. What a poor way to live. Joe
 
i think there is a fine line between self esteem and being on an ego trip.
mrs 730 oldest and youngest sons are perfect examples of this.
the oldest has no self esteem at all no pride in himself and is a lazy dog. 3 years ago at Thanksgiving his uncle told him to make sure he took a shower and put on clean clothes before anyone got to m-i-l for dinner. he is also a big cry baby anytime something goes against him he calls mom oh mommy feel sorry for me my car broke i have a flat tire and no one will help me
boo hoo
the younger is every parnet who has a daughter nightmare. he stays with one until he tires of them or gets what he wants and poof he is gone.
when was still in high school he told his mom you have to look out for number 1.
and his life shows that.
we recently learned he has bought what think is his third new camero.
 
Your statement that fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, while correct, doesn't tell the whole story. People that divorce tend to do so multiple times, and this skews the percentages. The number of first marriages that end in divorce is much less. The dealership that I used to work at had two men that had been married and divorced five times.
 


Yes, in my opinion, marketing does "force feeds us". Think about how feedlots 'force feed' cattle , not by tying them down, but by severely curtailing their movements thus limiting their opportunities to explore and continuously 'tempting' them with food. This parallels what mass marketing is doing to us! And when we become aware that we ARE being limited, we owe it to ourselves to start testing the limits and using our minds more creatively.


<a href="http://s146.photobucket.com/albums/r268/dgminke/?action=view&amp;current=killyourtvpurple.jpg" target="_blank">
killyourtvpurple.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket
</a>
 
Ya,I think you're right. Seems like Donahue and Oprah were the start of the whole fad.
I remember we had a co-op fieldman one time who had a real personality problem. When another local president and I went to the General Manager and head of Personel about it,they said maybe they needed to send him to Dale Carnegie or something. Gordy said yea,there's an idea,then he'll be an AGRESIVE a$$hole!

I don't know when it comes to the whole divorce thing. I think it's a whole matter of NEEDING each other,and if you're full of self esteem and indepenent,you think you can do anything and don't need anybody's help. That's a dangerous way of thinking when you're married. My wife is one of ten kids and the only one not to have ever been divorced. Her whole family was opposed to us getting married,said it wouldn't last six months,but every blasted one of them,her parents included,ended up divorced,(except the sister who's husband died)but they were "better than me" town folks who didn't need each other. We lived out here where we had to have each other to survive and we're going on 33 years now.
 
Wasn"t that the subject of a Roger Miller song back in maybe the 60"s....?
"It"s my belief, pride is the chief cause in the decline In the number of husbands and wives"
 
I think that self-esteem does affect alot of things, not to be confused with pride and arrogance. As far as with people not being satisfied with their jobs, we forget that 100 years ago the average person changed careers 7 times in their life. If everyone was satisfied with what they have all the time we would still be hand picking berries from trees and living in nomadic herds at best. What I really get a kick out of is when you read an old article from 100+ years ago they parallel the same arguments/complaints of today. At the same time I would agree with a previous post that there is no pride in working with your hands anymore , everyone wants a desk job, but that can go back to trying to improve yourself.
As far as with marriages I just finished re-reading "Everything I know about women I learned from my tractor" by Roger Welsch. That is a very true and humerous book about relationships and how to deal with them, in his opinion. Put that book on your list, you may not agree with everything, but he tells you that you don't have to right up front. In this book he says that men need to realize we are idiots when dealing with women, and thats the way it is, but we need to treat our women better than we do. Hard to argue with that kind of logic, I could sure treat mine better at times.
The higher divorce rate it mostly due to changing social attitudes. People haven't changed, the personalities that you see have been around for thousands of years, just the times have changed.
 
the Amish see pride as a sorta sin I guess. I dont
know any divorced Amish. Men and Women have both
come a long way in letting technology, education,
and pride downgrade them as good, useful people.
 
Very good subject and responses.

Most every thing is instilled in a child by age 2 to 3 which hard to believe. Hard wired by watching what is being said and actions and reactions by adults and siblings.

Home and up bring is the big picture for future leaders and the rest.

Ones who I have meet in life with no back ground of anything to form an opinion, I will watch then walk across a field, parking lot or most any
where. The ones who are looking where the next foot will be placed no matter the distance are usually good people, but followers with every day jobs and life is no big deal for them. Now for the ones who look up and watch the surrounding area and letting the next foot down take care of it self are one that have goals in life and are achievers in my humble experiences - at least smart enough to be your boss.

For marriage you either are in a good relationship or one to get out of your choice. You make the marriage from day one. Looking at your partner as one who stays in the home for cooking, cleaning, raising the kids and getting you a beer you have no idea of what marriage is. The really strange thing about divorce is that people keep repeating again and again.
 
I have a sister that has had 5 divorces, 2 brothers that have had one each, and I am still married to my 1st wife. So we have had 8 marriages total, out of 4 kids, that comes to 50%. I know several folks that are on the 3rd, 4th, 5th, divorce. So I think you are right, a few folks due up the average.
 
I think one thing driving the divorce rate is the decline in wages over the last 30 years. It's awfully hard to hold a marriage together if you are struggling, living day to day financially.
 
Donno. I kinda think it's the other way around. Back to the whole needing each other thing. You're not as likely to leave if you can't afford to.
I think it's affluence that leads to boredom and overconfidence and comes between people. If you don't believe hard times bring people together,you've never truly experienced hard times.
 
From what I've seen the divorce rate works the other way more often.

When money is good couples don't really need each other and they get divorced on a whim because they don't loose much. When money is tight they grow up and realize they need each other to survive, and they stay together longer.

The exceptions are when one spouse refuses to pull their own weight or one is abusive. Hard times make that a luxury and the marriage can't survive anymore.

A good spouse can be a real asset, especially in hard times. I guess it all depends on how people cope with stress.
 
Years ago a lot of people struggled. I feel that's what keep them together.You worked hard to feed your family and keep them together. I have a coworker that got divorced a couple years ago.His wife went for government aid. They told her what she could all get.It's unbelievable. He wanted to try and make it work.But she said no. She makes more on aid than the two of them made together.And they both have pretty good job's.I feel the government needs to do a lot of changing. And not give someone more money than the average working person can make them selves. Other wise why work.
 
Depends on the hard times and the people. Most of the time, I have heard, if a married couple loses a child then after a bit they start to blame the other one. I can believe the stress of that could make an otherwise strong relationship fail. However most fights in a marriage are over money so the financial hard times can create more problems in an already troublesome area. I heard a study however that claimed that the rougher the first few years were financially on a married couple the better the chances of the marriage suceeding. I wonder if it is because they learned that a fight wasn't the end of everything, or they got things straightened out early on. Which in hindsight may support just what you said. How would I know I guess I have only been married once, a real expert would have been married many times. ;>
 
As far as loosing a child,the wife and I found it was just the oposite. We lost a five month old daughter in Jaunary of 83. It's a hell like nobody who hasn't gone through it can never imagine. Having gone through it together,it's the one thing that nobody will ever be able to relate to like the two of us can with each other. It's that one thing that's totally unique to us as far as our relationship together.
Hard to explain.
 
I am sorry to hear that. I cannot imagine the pain and don't want to. I am just repeating what I have heard, so take it for what it is worth, which may be nothing. I would guess it is like the saying "if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger" . I guess if I knew everything I sure wouldn't be where I am at now, but I like it here.
 
Money (or lack of it) points out the weakness' in a shakey marriage. A strong marriage doesn't have a cash value.
 
To JimN: I think your various types of Esteem groups are are good way of looking at the various meaning of Human Esteem.. Good thinking and explaining.. again. I grew up with Zero self esteem and excaped home with the help of the county Sheriff and an uncle plus the church Pastor... All in less then 10 minutes by just barely out running his wildly swinging pitchfork.. Almost no money or a place to sleep. About 7 years later I had a good high tech job and all bills paid plus a real nice Corvette. I applied myself. Everything was legal honest work. Sometimes 60 hours a week for months at a time. I was determined to be a respected honest church going adult where ever I was. I am in my 70s now and when I look back at my so called growing up years, the best day was when I just out ran an unfit father trying to criple me with a manure covered pitchfork.. That 3/4 mile run gave me my Freedom. The love of flying gave me a chance to get above earthly problems from time to time. To all: I think the different groups Jim Janicholson wrote about are well layed out.. Use those groups in your thinking.. ag
 
I suppose if you lost your only child,it could go the other way,but if you loose one,it makes you think a whole lot harder before you let yourself do something stupid that would cause you to loose the rest of them voluntarily. Bottom line,you think a whole lot more about the kids and less about yourselves and your own selfish wants.
 
REASONABLE self esteem is important. I know a woman that was raised from age 2 by a step father that verbaly and mentaly abused her. This girl is drop dead georgeous and bright, but no self esteem. Her life in a nutshell: 42, never married 2 kids 22 yrs appart. BF 1. father of the oldest daughter, born when she was 17. He never worked, she worked and carried them for 12 years. when they broke up, they had a 2 1/2 year fight for custody, because in this state, as he had no work history, she would have had to pay his living expences if he raised the daughter. BF 2. only job ws bouncer in a club, 7 yrs younger than her. she carried him untill she got tired of the beatings (3 years). Bf 3 12 yrs younger, unemployed, to young to go into bars. stayed together untill she caught him in bed with her then 17 yr old daughter. BF 4 (current) She carried him for 4 years while he starved on 40 acres in a swamp he called a farm. fought the rats for the moble home nightly. He had a traffic lawsuit agianst him pending. when he saw an inheritance coming, he settled the suit, stuffed their money under the matterss, ran up bills they had no intention of paying. filed bankruptcy.(wiped out the responsability for the lawsuit settlment). Then , after ruining her credit for ten yrs, bought a farm with the inheritance, and put it all in his name. AND SHE IS STILL WITH HIM. She always had good diecent men falling all over her, but never dated any of them because she didn't think she deserved them. That is what too low of self esteem does.
 
I'm old enough to remember when at family gatherings adults ate first; the children were served last.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

super99
Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday
Replies
14
Views
640
super99
super99
E
1950 JD Model A question
Replies
9
Views
791
Mike(NEOhio)
M
P
It's been 6 months
Replies
10
Views
330
Pete in Holland MI
P
wh
Interesting use of farmall parts
Replies
1
Views
735
old-9
O
P
Tell me about "the 80's"
2 3
Replies
44
Views
3K
EFV
E
Tractor Parts Tractor Manuals

We sell tractor parts! We have the parts you need to repair your tractor - the right parts. Our low prices and years of research make us your best choice when you need parts. Shop Online Today.

Copyright © 1997-2024 Yesterday's Tractor Co.

All Rights Reserved. Reproduction of any part of this website, including design and content, without written permission is strictly prohibited. Trade Marks and Trade Names contained and used in this Website are those of others, and are used in this Website in a descriptive sense to refer to the products of others. Use of this Web site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy TRADEMARK DISCLAIMER: Tradenames and Trademarks referred to within Yesterday's Tractor Co. products and within the Yesterday's Tractor Co. websites are the property of their respective trademark holders. None of these trademark holders are affiliated with Yesterday's Tractor Co., our products, or our website nor are we sponsored by them. John Deere and its logos are the registered trademarks of the John Deere Corporation. Agco, Agco Allis, White, Massey Ferguson and their logos are the registered trademarks of AGCO Corporation. Case, Case-IH, Farmall, International Harvester, New Holland and their logos are registered trademarks of CNH Global N.V.

Yesterday's Tractors - Antique Tractor Headquarters
Website Accessibility Policy

Back
Top