Kids Today(Prayers Requested)

Youngest son, age 19, calls me outside Sat. afternoon to talk. He went to a buddies house the nite before and drank several beers. To make a long story short he gets caught for under age drinking and driving. Now he is facing a suspension and a fine. Do you think this will wake him up?

Probably not because nothing happened.... Up to you to wake him up...
A few right seat rides with first responders so he can gets some handson experience cleaning up after a drunk driver should help...........
Not picking on him in particular, just in general. We've all done dumb stuff and some of us still do.

Good Luck.

Maybe, maybe not. I've seen it go both ways. Met a kid a couple of years ago, 21 and very excited to be getting his license back after a 3 years suspension on his 3rd DUI. Seen other kids who Got popped for DUI while underage who went str8 right away.


Rick

Send him to see me....Friday night I was hit backing into my own driveway....by a drunk driver. I was towing a dump trailer with my pickup truck, and he was driving a FORD ESCORT. He knocked the trailer OFF the truck, and it ripped my reese hitch OFF the truck. What was left of the hitch was still attached to the trailer, 15' from the truck....I am ok, but the other driver is seriously injured.Broke his leg, several ribs, possibly a punctured lung, and I dont know what else.

I hope so, don't know what State you are in or the laws, but 2nd times the punishment gets worse along with the third offense..

Fortunately no one was hurt or killed. Vehicular manslaughter is nothing to take lightly. Along with the civil law suits.

Simply it has the potential of ruining his whole life, when a 19 he barely got started..

May want to educated him regarding the DUI / DWI laws..

It's a mistake the first time, but the risk to his future is great..

If he finds himself 'in a similiar situation' at a social event have him seek alternative rides with non-drinking friends or have him call you..

Not worth it...

No I don"t think so I work with a 19 year old kid
that got picked up for underage drinking momma and
daddy paid for a good lawyer no jail time usualy
it"s a weekend in jail no liecence revoked 1 year
here for the first time at the end before he got
layedoff he was drinking at work.

Sorry to hear about your sons problem. I have a situationn with a my 16 old daughter, new driver, rolled her truck last weekend. I told her, she was to be home by 9:00 pm and she was running late so speeding and lost control. She is O.K. but she is not sure about driving again. She was very nervous about riding in a car yesterday. Sometimes things happen for a reason far beyond our ablity to understand. The good part is no one was harmed and your son was able to talk with you about it. There are many kids and their parents that will ignore the problem and hope they go away. Sound like your son has learned some of lessons taught and the others will come in time.

The fact that he called you up and wanted to talk tells me you have parented him the right way. My gut feeling tells me he won't have any problems in the future. Jim

I am sure most of us have done stupid things when we were young, I know I sure have. If this was in Calif your son would have been calling you from jail. Last week two teen's were killed,and a 16 year old girl on life support, because the driver was drinking. This should give your son a wake up call. I am glad no one was hurt. Stan

My banker told me once not to expect to much till they hit 25. I learned you have to move that back to about 35. "Friends", time and place all effect their judgment so you never know. I swore off drinking more than once in my younger days but a short time later--.

I doubt it will make much difference. If he is drinking and driving at 19 then he will be drinking and driving at 38 too. It seems that the draw of alcohol and drinking with "friends" is too big to resist.

I hope you don't spend ONE DIME to help him out of this. HE needs to feel the full burden of his actions. This includes hauling him around when he has no license. Tell him to get a bicycle or call a cab.

He will find getting or keeping a job will be harder too. Any company that has company vehicles require clean driving records. When we hire a driver for one of the semi I get a driving record ran. I pay the extra to get the life time record not just the last five years. Any drinking citation and I throw out the application. Does not make me any difference how old it was.

I was on the local life squad for over thirty years. Got to see first hand the damage that alcohol does.

Wish the people that have made smoking a crusade would do so with drinking. I mean ALL drinking. Many more people are killed/injured by alcohol than smoking ever caused.

You get drunk and beat your wife that is not counted as alcohol related. Die of bone cancer and happen to smoke then it is counted as smoking related. This hides the true fact of the damage drinking does.

One of the big problems in todays society is helped along with alcohol. Many guys can't wait to get together to "WASTE" time/money watching some game and drinking themselves silly. They can tell you who is playing thirty different positions on some ball team but can't tell you a thing about how this country was formed or who their elected representatives are. They can't gather together without booze being there.

Friend had a daughter get married last year. The bar bill was more than the rest of the wedding. It was over $10,000. He did not understand why I thought he was an idiot to pay for a bunch of drunks to drink. He just threw his money down the drain.

As you can tell I really am down on drinking. I buried a daughter that some drunk ran over while she walked home from a friends house. They found the guy's car setting at the third bar he had been to that day. We could not even have an open casket because he had dragged her under the car so long that her face was destroyed. He got fifty years in the state pen. I get to remember identifying her body the rest of my life.

So maybe take your son down to the morgue and let him look at a few dead bodies caused by drinking and he MAY quit but I doubt it.

Too early to tell, but I am with JDSeller when I say he needs to stand up/man up and face the consequences himself. Their your kids so you will always love them and want to take care of them. Fact he came to you and talked it over implies some hope for the future. I don"t drink anymore, but it was a standing rule that there always was a designated driver. I don"t care what the law says, one drink impairs you to some extent. Have told my daughter"s (neither of whom drink that we are aware of) that they can call us anytime/anywhere if they have had a drink and no questions asked that night and we will come get them.

Have a cousin who was studying to be a Dr. who had a couple and thought he was OK only to hit an oncoming motorcycle on the way home killing the rider. Spent a few years in jail/probation and I think he got off light, but point is it ruined his life. Even if/when he completes his studies, it is very difficult to get a professional license with a felony on your record. He is working towards it, but will be on some sort of probationary status for a long time.

Good Luck,

Kirk

Some grow out of it some don't. If this is really out of character for him and it caught you blindside, he will probably grow out of it. If you have been wondering how long it was gonna be till something like this happened, you both might need a little insight.

Hope so.. My nephew was killed by a couple drunks in a drunken driving incident. Maybe he'll wake up before it's too late. I'd be willing to talk to him, if he would listen. There's a hole in our family and hearts that can never be filled. He's lucky all the nabbed him with was caught DUI.

I'm sure we all made some unwise decisions when we were young. The most important thing is for a person to be held accountable for their actions. I would not help him pay any fines, etc. Sorry post is LONG.

Nearly 16 year old son was sneaking out of house and getting rides into town to see the girl he liked (even though we and her parents had permitted them to spend occassional SUPERVISED time together since they were not permitted to date until licensed drivers)... cops stopped the driver for burned out light at rear plate. Son got in trouble for being out after town curfew. An officer kindly brought him home about 3 am on a school night and son came in and woke me-BOY, was I surprised! I let my husband sleep since he had to work in a couple hours - and we dealt with the situation that evening. Son was blessed that county dealt with it outside the court system as he had never been in trouble before. We held him responsible for every cent involved... had to pay us mileage for transporting him to meetings with county youth worker, had to reimburse me for lost wages if I had to miss work for a meeting as I don't get paid vacation, had to pay mileage for hauing his little tail to required community service work, etc. County youth officer said we were the most awesome parents he had ever dealt with... and that he wished all parents would hold their kids accountable for their actions.

This year, now 17 years old - he damaged the van we let him use as his (dented and scrapped holes in the transmission cover and oil pan, also broke a motor mount and scraped the bottom off the oil filter). Still won't tell us exactly how/where/what happened. Anyway it cost HIM nearly $600 to repair it. And now he only gets to drive it to work and monthly marine POOL functions... the rest of the time he has to rely on his "buddies" to transport him.

We love him more than you can possibly imagine - just not going to put up with any ridiculous crud from him. He recently pulled another stunt, too long to detail here - but it caused us to take control over his money as he was spending gobs of it unwisely and very possibly handing it over to his girlfriend's family. So now we fill his gas tank weekly and give him ten bucks cash and he has to reimburse us. We are just done with the baloney.

Actually, we have half-ways thought it would be nice to send him to work on a ranch in the far reaches of perhaps Montanna for the summer months (he is a great worker and a smart young man)... someplace where there is NO CELL PHONE SIGNAL and no access to internet. Would love to seperate him from this girl who he has felt he is "in love" with since about 6th or 7th grade. She is a liar, a sneak, emotionally needy and a hypochondriac with a mom who is a druggie (lost her RN license for stealing morphine from dying patients in the local nursing home), and he is not smart enought to man-up and say, "No, we should not do that - it is wrong." Though husband and I have talked to all our kids about being responsible, about NOT getting involved with girl/boy friends unti they are old enough to have "lived a little" and become confident people who can take care of themselves and know what they want out of life. KIDS!!! Ugh! You love them - but it is sure seeming like it will be nice when he graduates. Tired of the stress in our home and it is not fair to our 12 year old daughter to have to live with conflict in our home all the time.

(quoted from post at 05:33:49 04/09/12) Youngest son, age 19, calls me outside Sat. afternoon to talk. He went to a buddies house the nite before and drank several beers. To make a long story short he gets caught for under age drinking and driving. Now he is facing a suspension and a fine. Do you think this will wake him up?

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Lots of good advise here and I thank you all. First and foremost, I thank God it wasn't worse, he has to learn from this and that won't come without a price. His pickup truck is on the sales block to cover costs. They tell me here in Pa that there are programs for jeuvinille first time offenders. He is going to have to get a public defender because I am done paying. If he gets the judge to put him into one of the programs,
he can actually , upon successful completion not have this on his record.
The worst part of all of this is that his older brother is a Deputy Sheriff and he is the one he called to get him out fo jail.

Ya just gotta tell em"If you don't say NO FOR YOUR SELF,SOME ONE WILL DO IT FOR YOU" Jail time awaits those who persists in doing what ever they want and who thinke rules are for loosers. That saying will prove out and the county hotel will be more then happy to give em a room and it's not free. Hope he/ she gets the message before the steel bar doors close on em. Regards LOU.

I'd tell him if he can't do the time don't do the crime.Prayers? It ain't like he's got cancer just got a case of the Stupids.Anyone that drinks and drives is an Idiot these days for a whole wide range of reasons.

BTW biggest problem is you still think he's a
"kid" 19 shouldn't be a "kid" when he turned 18
he took on a adult's responsibility.

Agreed. I'll save my prayers from someone that needs them. All he has to do is keep his money in his pocket instead of buying beer with it.


Let him spend a couple days in a jail cell. Tends to give mostly honest folks a more practical take on how the law handles criminals.

I was a Bailiff in a District Court for seven years. As to if you think he will learn his leason,..it really depends on the judge and the severity of the sentence he will hand out. I've seen under age drinkers get off light and I,ve seen some get the maximum fines and even some jail time. They usually all get probation and counseling to go along with fines and costs.
It is what you son gets out of the probation and counseling that will make the difference.
Good luck and stay after him to not drink until he is of legal age,..and then never drink and drive.

I would be thankful he didn't hurt anyone.If he must drink tell him to stay at his friends or call for a ride.I am sure you would go get him.I was lucky I never got bagged for DUI.They had plenty of chances and I am not proud of it at all for driving in near blackout condition..Thankfully I quit drinking alcohol 4 years ago.I really don't miss it.

Vito

Prayers requested? OK, I pray he never drinks and drives anywhere near me, my wife my kids or grandkids. Amen.

I don't drink anymore out of choice, my choice. I told here how I once rode one of my hogs to a concert with no intent on drinking, but got so hammered that when I left, I pulled the cops over. That's hammered. They could have hammered me too, but were nice about riding me to the interstate, pointing and telling me to never ever come back. They were nice about it, but not. Its possible that if I ever went back and they saw me, they might have shot me, which I would have deserved.

I don't drink, and I don't drink and drive. Its a dangerous thing to do. Lot of people lose their lives over it, including my girlfriend decades back. I wasn't with her, she wasn't drunk, but the guy that backed his semi out across a state highway in a heavy fog at night was, and she drove under his trailer. Drinking and driving can be very deadly, and if not deadly, expensive as your son is about to find out.

Mark

You are fortunate some other people are not requesting prayers, He doesn't get my sympathy rather the opposite.
I do recall the words from a song.. "when will they ever learn ?"

Plenty of room on a cattle station in central Australia if pressed for a place. nearest neighbour 200 miles.

I like your nom de plume.

What county in pa? I"m in Bradford county supposedly the toughest to be in with a DUI I don"t drink and never have not even once. I absolutely hate it. Lost a lot of family to it. As for your son he called you out and talked to you like a man should my advise is to stand by him and help where you can but by NO means should you help pay for any of it at all ever. Just be there for wise advise and moral support.

[Plenty of room on a cattle station in central Australia if pressed for a place. nearest neighbour 200 miles.]

Bendee, we'd probably take you up on that offer... if only you were not an ocean away! But husband and I had even commented, "like some place in Montanna where the closest neighbor is about 200 miles away and they drive to town twice a year for supplies!".

[I like your nom de plume.] Thanks - figured it referred to my handle, but had to look it up. My word learned for the day! Sounds much more elegant than "pen name".