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share yur advice for newlywed's,

D

Dave from MN

Well-known Member
Brother in law is getting married this weekend a and I am the best man. I thought it would be neat to get some advice from the diverse group of good people here, as to what it takes to have a happy marriage. He's 30 she's only 24, both have some growing up to do(as do I)but over all are good people. Share your secrets of success please.
 
Watch "Keeping Up Appearances" on public television; as a husband, take Richard Bucket (Bouquet) as a role model.
 
Thurlow,
Thanks for the great reply. I think some of their episodes are just hilarious. I think my favorite is when Hyacynth rented the cheap "yacht" and used Richard as a literal gang plank.
 
Do not fight !! Yelling and screaming never solves anything. Discuss. Don't go to sleep angry with each other. Kiss your Angel every morning, and, DON'T call each other names!! EVER!!
 
To re-affirm what richard says- Don't speak in anger. The damage done by something said in a moment of rage may be impossible to undo.
Also- A marriage is between two individuals, period. No matter how many parents or other relatives someone wants to drag in or impose, you can't let that take over.
 
...unless it is 1:30 AM and you have been steaming old painted over wallpaper off of the wall since you got home from work!:^)
 
Dave: We just crossed the 44 years of marriage last week. I can't think of any advice to pass along. Richard does have the best advice. I will say this much, I have adhered to Mike Solden's policy of never doing wall paper.
 
Dave,
Let the gal use an old tractor to go antique tractor pulling! Then they buy another tractor, bigger trailer, bigger truck and on and on. Other option is to borrow a 4 wheeler at that young age. Better than horses.

OR You could buy them an "old" country western album/video and listen to the romantic songs versus the she stopped loving him today!

Good Luck
 
One more, speaking from 43 years of experience.

If you want to go to Walmart, or wherever, to take two minutes to buy a single $5 item and go back to work, do NOT take your wife.

You, by yourself, can go to Walmart, take a couple of minutes to buy your $5 item, and walk out. If you take your wife, it will take an hour and $50-$100 to get back out of the store.
 
When things happen as they will just tell him to fess up, say he's sorry, doesn't know what he was thinking and that it will never happen again. It does not make any difference who was at fault, who was right or wrong just step up and take the blame and end it.

Angle Iron
 
Have his, hers, and our bank accounts with a set amount of money put into each.

The his and hers accounts can be spent however each wish as it is their mad money. If they wish to spend it on the house so be it. If they wish to buy an expensive gift for the other so be it as long as their is money enough in the individual account to pay for it. Clothes, giving it to friends in need---anything goes as long as it is legal, well maybe except for visits to Nevada.

If one wishes to save theirs while the other blows theirs and runs out---no questions about where it is going.

I also think that an individual vacation should be taken on occasion. Might remind the other of how nice it is to have the other around and how much they miss them.

If they can swing it at all pay cash for everything or don't buy.

Upon marriage sit down with a financial planner and get started on the right money path to excellent retirements.

And from me, best wishes to both the bride and the groom.
 
Every "disagreement" we've had in 20 yrs involved inlaws or money. Fortunately we have few of either close by. All the money is "ours" and we share the same frugal attitude. Having the same faith has helped too.
 
Get him a years subscription of this magazine. Tell him to read it and follow the directions carefully.
a2707.jpg
 
Forgive and Forget one or more mistakes every day.
Recognize and appreciate every thing done for you, or the collective you every time.
Never accumulate anger, it can buildup on the edges of things and rot them away.
Stay doing both common interest things, and things one appreciates more than the other (together)
Do not change the other person. They will mature on their own.
Learn something new every day (from your spouse!!!)
If you are correct let them see the result, do not make an issue out of it, or point out the error of their thinking. (they can see!)
Be peaceful in conversation.
Do not embarrass your spouse in company ever!!)
Good luck is made with sharing and honesty.

JimN
 
My wife and I have been together for 36 years and we've never really had a problem because we appreciate what the other one does.

When we were married someone told me to thank my wife for every meal, for making the bed, doing the laundry, etc. so I started doing that and I still do. Jim
 
My wife and I will be married 50 years this December, and yes we have hung many a roll of wall paper together with great results. My only advise to both of them is to think in terms of " WE " and not " I " What each does has to be for the betterment of both.
 
My wife and I coming up on fifty-nine years. We alwaya used we and we never went to sleep mad at each other..
gitrib
 
Tell him to reconsider. Marriage is NOT what it once was. This isn't 1959. If he goes ahead with it, at least you will have warned him.
 
When people get married, it should be WE, not I...married once, for 37 years. Curious, about the "she is only 24"- at both of their ages, shouldn"t they know what they want for a life partner? They are not kids.
 
Funny you asked, yesterday (the 25th) was our 32nd anniversary.
Here is what has worked and worked well for us.
We were qutie young when we married. I was a few days shy of turning 22, she was 18.
We dated for 2 years. That seemed to help us get to know each other.
She wanted children right away, I said it was better to wait a while. We practiced for 7 years, and our first was born. Then we practice another 5 years and our second was born.
It's amazing how your attention goes to the kids and not to each other when you have them, that is one reason we have lasted this long, because we had time to ourselves. We really go to know each other, be it good or bad those first 7 years.
Both boys are now gone, one is married and has produced us two lovely grandchildren already and the other will start his third year of college this fall. So here we are, getting to know each other again.
It's all give and take in a marriage. You give some, you take some. And the practice must take place from both parties.
Tell him to remember one thing, be in love and stay in love.
Best wishes to them both for a long and happy life together.
 
Oh, this is a good one.

Someone told me once if a husband and wife can hang wallpaper together and load hogs together their marriage should last forever.

Incompatibility is the key to a good marriage - if he provides the income and she provides the patability.

Heard of a couple married 75 years - when asked the key to their long marriage he said "When we were married we decided that if we had a normal "run of the mill" disagreement we would do it her way, if we had a really big disagreement I would decide". She added "In 75 years we have not had one big disagreement".

Men marry women thinking they will never change. Women marry men thinking they will change. It don't work that way, learn it early.
 
Advice for him: Tell her she is beautiful every day. Pay attention to her and what she says. Let her chose colors and decorate the house, (women have better taste in that anyway) Support your wife over your mother in dissagreements. find a way to remember inportant dates, (anaversary, birthdays etc.) Treat her to dinner out occasionaly, "just for no reason". NEVER COMPLAIN ABOUT THE COOKING!!
Advice For her: Do your best to get along with your new mother in law. give him a place in the house, (office, den, etc) thats just his for him to de-stress. Keep the "honey do" list short. Surprize him ocasionaly with little things to remind him how much he means to you.
Advice for both: Most fights are about money or in laws. do your best to get along with the inlaws. Lay down the law to your parents if necessary to keep the peace. Sit down and create a financial plan to minimize the chance of fighting over money. Some time apart is good. keep some friends, have bowling night etc.
Remember: Life is a journey, not a destination, do not get so caught up in the next crop, the next promotion, the next big job, that you forget to, at least occasionaly, sit back and enjoy the ride.
 
I once heard a marriage councelor state that if one of the married partners he is councelling says "me and Jane or me and Joe", refering themselves first before the partner, he knew the marriage was hopeless. Jim
 
My Grandpa told me right before i got married it was cheaper to rent then to own,,lol After 25yrs i understand what he was talking about,,lol
 
Marriage is not a 50/50 deal as some may think.
That's a partnership.
In marriage each should give 100% and here's the important part...EXPECT NOTHING IN RETURN.
Good advise for all married couples.
Try it and be amazed at what your spouse will do for you in return.
 
I once heard that to be happy a man need a woman that was a good conversationalist, a woman that was good in bed, and a woman that was a good cook.

It is imperative that these three women never meet up.


Gene
 
I wish I had figured out sooner that MY LIFE is better when I let my wife do more or less what she wants to. She never asks to do anything outrageous and usually what she wants to do is a pretty good idea. In the early part of our marriage, I tried to control my wife much too much, like I had seen my Dad control my Mom. That didn't work with my wife, and she resented not being able to do what she wanted to, so we had a bunch of friction. Then I decided to try just agreeing to almost anything she suggested, and it works well for me. And her too.

When I got married, I made a bunch of really big promises. I took those promises seriously, and have tried my darndest to follow through with them. I have always been entirely true to my wife, and am quite sure she has been true to me. We both have worked hard to make a good life and to raise our 5 kids. They all are productive, college graduates that are doing fine, and a part of their success was from watching their parents get along well almost all the time.

We have always tried very hard to be nice to each other. We don't fight, just discuss things and usually come to an agreement, at least over things that affect both of us. I genuinely LIKE my wife, and thank God we found each other. I don't expect perfection, since I am far from perfect, but she is pretty darn good!

We will be together until one of us dies. And I hope that will be a very long time from now, since we have a really good life together.

Be nice and respectful, be true and loving, talk through problems that come up, and work hard are the best advice I can suggest. Hope this helps.
 
I recommend getting some of the covers tucked under yourself before going to sleep. Otherwise in the middle of the night. That sweet little women is going to roll over with all the blankets and leave you half frozen.
You will only make the mistake once of waking a sleeping bear or pulling those covers back from the Mrs.
 
My advice. Always make sure that your spouse if #1. My son is getting a divorce. He married a lady with 3 kds. She spends all her time doing their thing and my son says he feels left out. He has spoken to her about this and she flat out told him that her kids come first. I told them both, if you will put each other first, then the kids will fall in line. For instance, when they eat out, the kids get as much say as either he or she. The adults should pick the restaurant and the kids either eat there with them or be left at home with a sitter. I think kids have too many choices for their young age, and some should be left up entirely to the parents...
 
Really get to know who you are marrying. Be friends. If you put her needs before your own and she puts your needs before her own, you'll both have it better than you could ever imagine. Remember love is a decision not an affliction. It's not all about you.
 
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