As some may or may not know Dad bought a 44 2n ford a few months ago,posted a few pictures on the N board.He has for many years had multiple health problems,has severe heart conditions and even cancer now ontop of it.I helped him bring it home,got the engine unseized for him,took the wheels off,helped him free up the brakes,put it back together for him,put the wheels on,re-wired it,changed the transmission and engine oil along with the filter,changed the radiator and antifreeze.I was in the shop working on somthing when he was working on his N and he starts accusing me of screwing up the wiring on the ignition,which really wasn't and boy did he take one he!! of a strip off of me.I realize he has limited time left,he still helps do some tractor work when he's up to it,but as far as that N,and the 333 MH goes,I could care less right about now if I ever sit my stupid ars on either of them for as long as I live.The best way for me to get along with my poor Dad is to NOT work on any projects with him in the future.I used to enjoy old tractors,but as for now,I've lost intrest.
- Thread starter phillip d
- Start date
I lost my Dad to brain cancer almost two months ago. I wish he was still here to yell about something stupid. Just like you, I "helped" my Dad do a lot of stuff while he sat and watched and occasionally got mad about the things I did. You just have to let it roll off your back, even though that can be hard for some people. Just enjoy the time you can spend with him before you can"t spend any time with him. My dad wanted to get the oil changed in my mom"s truck and he said he would go out and help me do it. My mom said "You"re in a wheelchair, what are you going to do?" So I told her he was going to "supervise". Unfortunatley, he never did get to supervise the job, except from up in heaven.
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
It has been my experience that people strike out at the ones they care about the most.. Not sure why, but it happens. I have been through similar things. Just try to be patient and realize that illness can change a person's personality.
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
If he has alway been like that, then that is the way he is. If it is something new it is probably related to his illnesses so try not to hate him for it. Consider it an opportunity to resolve to never be like that.
I had an uncle one time fired me from the farm on the spot, because Through the learnings I received from FFA class. he came in around dinnertime and ask me to go finish working the corn field he was working on.
I seen what he did, and he was old school working the soil just enough to to loosen the ground,
Corn was up maybe 4" so I dropped the worker another notch as per FFA ,just covering almost to the tops.
Well a couple hours later he drove up in his big Buick. I was almost at the other end of field so I just kept going, made my turn and here he comes runnin full speed towards me waving his arms.
I had no idea what was wrong so I kept driving towards him. got within ear reach, and he screamed stop !!
Wanted to know what the H$$L I was doing tearing out all his corn.
He made me walk home,So Mad he wouldnt let me drive the Buick to his house half a mile away
So I walked past his house and another mile home.
He never told me but he told my Dad later that my corn did a lot better than his. A year later he was dead.
We never got the chance to reconcile. I didn't go to his funeral. I just thought he still hated me.
Still think of that once in awhile.
As far as your DAD ?
Live every day as it was your last, cause someday it will be.
I seen what he did, and he was old school working the soil just enough to to loosen the ground,
Corn was up maybe 4" so I dropped the worker another notch as per FFA ,just covering almost to the tops.
Well a couple hours later he drove up in his big Buick. I was almost at the other end of field so I just kept going, made my turn and here he comes runnin full speed towards me waving his arms.
I had no idea what was wrong so I kept driving towards him. got within ear reach, and he screamed stop !!
Wanted to know what the H$$L I was doing tearing out all his corn.
He made me walk home,So Mad he wouldnt let me drive the Buick to his house half a mile away
So I walked past his house and another mile home.
He never told me but he told my Dad later that my corn did a lot better than his. A year later he was dead.
We never got the chance to reconcile. I didn't go to his funeral. I just thought he still hated me.
Still think of that once in awhile.
As far as your DAD ?
Live every day as it was your last, cause someday it will be.
Ultradog MN
Well-known Member
- Location
- Twin Cities
I hated my dad.
And he hated me.
I don't miss him.
I always did like tractors though.
From the time I was a kid I was able to fix his tractors.
I could have let him turn me away from tractors many times.
But I didn't.
He's long gone.
And I like tractors to this day.
And he hated me.
I don't miss him.
I always did like tractors though.
From the time I was a kid I was able to fix his tractors.
I could have let him turn me away from tractors many times.
But I didn't.
He's long gone.
And I like tractors to this day.
Mathias NY
Well-known Member
As others mentioned, you didn't say if he has always been like this.
It sounds like you have come to good decision regarding working with him. I reached a similar one with my dad a few years ago. His attitude changed quickly. As it turns out, he would rather bite his tongue and have me around than yell and drive me away. Life's too short to waste arguing over stupid sh!t.
Good luck.
It sounds like you have come to good decision regarding working with him. I reached a similar one with my dad a few years ago. His attitude changed quickly. As it turns out, he would rather bite his tongue and have me around than yell and drive me away. Life's too short to waste arguing over stupid sh!t.
Good luck.
Ivan in Mich
Member
I would suggest that you spend as much time as you can with him. My dad got kind of upset a lot in his last couple of years of his life. He was my best friend and I spent a lot of time with him but that last week of his life he came over and wanted his garden worked up and rye planted. I was busy but I still took the time to go do it for him. He wanted to seed the rye but I told him that I would do it and he could work it in with the tractor. I took his JD B with he had given to me and the smile on his face that day I can still see it. When we got done we went in and had coffee and when I got ready to leave he said he would like to drive the tractor to my place with was about 2 miles away so I followed him with the truck. He stayed at my place for a while and then went home. Had I known at the time that this would be the last time that I would talk to him I would have followed him home just to visit a while longer. That was 10 years ago and I still think of things that we done together and whenever I get on his B I think of him alot.
John M
Well-known Member
- Location
- Nunyafn business
But more importantly, have you told him you loved him lately? I lost mine before I had time to tell him one more time!
james rumph
Member
I lost my father with out warning this last Jan 15 2009. Let you dad blow off what ever steam he has !!!! There will come a point that he will be gone and you will regreat saying things in haist.
One of the regulars on these sights "Chad" went threw it about a year ago and he will atest to this.
Keep in mind that this isn"t the person who raised you and remember the good that you shared over the years.
I now have my dads tractors as well as my own and it hurts to look at them and drive them but i wouldn"t sell them for the world.
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
Don't Know how to say this , It JUST takes a lotta of Understanding to relate to Your personel situation , Personally I feel That both of You are having trouble getting to the root CAUSE of each of your anger .. Your
DAds because his time is limited , And He may be frustratedWhat ifs and regrets , Your Self, because You wish for precous Memories to not be butchered with mistakes and mishaps,,. But WHO am i , God Only Knows how things could get better for the both of you ,,, . And I do believe that it is never good to burn bridges across blood . wishing Everyone the best and your forgiveness for my thoughts based on my own experience , Blessings
DAds because his time is limited , And He may be frustratedWhat ifs and regrets , Your Self, because You wish for precous Memories to not be butchered with mistakes and mishaps,,. But WHO am i , God Only Knows how things could get better for the both of you ,,, . And I do believe that it is never good to burn bridges across blood . wishing Everyone the best and your forgiveness for my thoughts based on my own experience , Blessings
GeneMO
Well-known Member
- Location
- Pilot Grove, Mo.
You had better grow up and quit being so self rightous. He is dying and knows it and is scared.
You need to enjoy every day with him.
I would take my dad back for one day, even if he was cranky.
Gene
You need to enjoy every day with him.
I would take my dad back for one day, even if he was cranky.
Gene
greenbeanman in Kansas
Well-known Member
Just remember, we hurt the ones worst that we love the most.
I agree that your dad is simply not himself and is lashing out in anger and you just happen to be the one there to catch it.
I agree that your dad is simply not himself and is lashing out in anger and you just happen to be the one there to catch it.
HENRY E NC
Member
I know its really hard to take sometimes when a loved one lashes out at you and in your dad's case, as other have said, he is probably scared of what the future holds for him. I am now 78 and hav melloed out some and I try to let others just go by. My dad died at 79 in 1985 and although for years we didn't get along, I still miss him to this day. I can see both side now that I am old and every day I lose the ability to do something that was second nature last year. Getting old is not for wimps. Tell him you love him and will try to do better nest time. Henry
Frank Dodson
Member
My Dad was one of the most patient men I ever knew. I remember riding on his lap for hours while he plowed. He was a decoratedWW II vet serving in the south Pacific. My little brother and I worked many days beside him and he tought us so much. I can truthfully say I never saw him lose his temper. Some of my best memories include us plowing with Dad on the Oliver 88 me on the 77 and my brother harrowing with the 66. Dad was a wodower for 23 years but wouldn't hear of moving in with his children. He died at 90 years of age and was in relatively good health until 10 days before he died. I am 61 and I hope I appear as half the man my Dad was to my daugther and grandchildren.]
50years ago i worker for dad in a dealership we had good days and bad i could be fighting a joband he would leave me alone til i asked whatwas wrong some simple answer and that would it go i sure miss him we worked all day said goodby at 5:30 went home at 7:30 ma called he was gone still miss him a lot will be 50y in dec.
old art.
old art.
Try taking all of his pills. They will turn you into some kind of monster. Be patient. It could and probably will happen to you. Read all medical side effects. Count to ten or ten thousand if necessary. I saw my dad turn from the sweetest guy you ever saw to a suspicious, jealous, conniving pessimist after a stroke. He died 41 years ago today. I would love to have him back for even 5 minutes. Dave
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
I grew up working at the shop with Pappy and Grand-dad. Pappy could have a temper, but it was Grand-dad I really couldn't work with in the shop. Funny, but Grand-dad could be patient with anyone else's kids, but if it was me or my brother helping out in the shop, whenever something went wrong, it was always "you boys" who did something wrong, "you boys" who misplaced his tools, and "you boys" who apparently couldn't learn anything. Grand-dad was an expert at both stick and oxyacetylene welding, but "you boys" apparently didn't need to learn how to weld...even though we were dying to learn. [I finally took some welding courses after Grand-dad died,and while I'm not a total expert, I can weld well enough for my own purposes...and I came to love doing oxyacetylene welding, which is apparently a dying art now that MIG and TIG are so prevalent.]
Pappy was different. He was more patient with my brother and me than he was even with himself, and I learned a lot--both mechanics and the theory behind it--from Pappy. After Grand-dad died, even though I worked elsewhere, I helped Pappy out in the shop whenever I could. And when I was on one side of the shop working on something and Pappy was on the other, and I'd hear cussing and see hammers flying across the shop, I'd say, "Hey, Pap, let's go get a cup of coffee and see if it looks different when we come back to it"...a technique I learned from Pappy. And it usually worked out well.
Pappy was my best friend. Last month it was 18 years since he passed away at age 61, and I still miss him like crazy. I'd give anything in the world to be able to take another coffee break with him, and listen to him tell another one of his deer hunting stories.
Pappy was different. He was more patient with my brother and me than he was even with himself, and I learned a lot--both mechanics and the theory behind it--from Pappy. After Grand-dad died, even though I worked elsewhere, I helped Pappy out in the shop whenever I could. And when I was on one side of the shop working on something and Pappy was on the other, and I'd hear cussing and see hammers flying across the shop, I'd say, "Hey, Pap, let's go get a cup of coffee and see if it looks different when we come back to it"...a technique I learned from Pappy. And it usually worked out well.
Pappy was my best friend. Last month it was 18 years since he passed away at age 61, and I still miss him like crazy. I'd give anything in the world to be able to take another coffee break with him, and listen to him tell another one of his deer hunting stories.
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
Put yourself in his shoes and see if it is fun.
haymaker421
Member
I spent 15 years taking care of elderly relatives. I didn't have to, I just did. Of the five of them, my Dad was hands down the worst, so I can say I understand how you feel. If I had given that man a block of solid gold, he would have bitched about how heavy it was. And the old, "Walk a mile in his shoes." stuff just doesn't work with me. The others weren't like him. They genuinely appreciated the fact that they were at home in there last years and said so. I did things for those people I never ever thought I would have to do for any one and things that no one will ever do for me unless they are paid and I would do it all over again. But not for that guy!
MarkB_MI
Well-known Member
- Location
- Motown USA
The behavior you describe sounds like your dad might have dementia on top of his other health problems. Make the best of the time he has left.
Anonymous-0
Well-known Member
I was in your shoes Phillip. I cant remember a day going by where Dad wasnt on my tail about something,,,,,,,,,,,
My favorite was,,,,,, where was the wrench he was using just 10 minutes before,,,, help him search for an hour, only for it to be in his hip pocket. I would catch all sorts of grief till that wrench was found!! Soon, first place I looked was his pockets,,,,,,,
Found it everytime, day went faster,,,,,, LOL!
Yeah, there will be dimentia, there will be days he wont know who ya are. Dad, he was to his sences till the last day.
The last thing he told me was how to prime the well pump when the power went out,,,,,,,,,,
I thanked him, fixed the water 10 minutes later, he fell asleep before I got back in,,, that was the last time I talked to my dad, he passed on later that night.
If he is out there workin,,,, go on back out and spend time with him, together.
We had lots of great times, and our share of bad times. It takes time to heal, Im still stung by my dad's passing, but each and every time I fire up his old 3020 JD, I know he is looking down listening to that JD,,, that we went to pick up on my Birthday in 2007, restored it, he got to pull it twice.
Fast forward,,,,, I took that same JD to the last pull he competed in,,,,,, deadweight pull it was.
I know that sled was stuck in the same place,,, my dad could not move it from the year before,, I backed that 3020 in, and we gave it all it had. We pulled it!! We pulled the load that no body could for a while,,,, but the load stopped us,,,, but it sure was fun to look over at Mom to watch her, watch me do what her husband loved to do for so many years before. We all felt closer to something that night. Wait till next year,,,, LOL!
I belive that all dad's love thier kids. Sometimes, we forget.
ChadS
My favorite was,,,,,, where was the wrench he was using just 10 minutes before,,,, help him search for an hour, only for it to be in his hip pocket. I would catch all sorts of grief till that wrench was found!! Soon, first place I looked was his pockets,,,,,,,
Found it everytime, day went faster,,,,,, LOL!
Yeah, there will be dimentia, there will be days he wont know who ya are. Dad, he was to his sences till the last day.
The last thing he told me was how to prime the well pump when the power went out,,,,,,,,,,
I thanked him, fixed the water 10 minutes later, he fell asleep before I got back in,,, that was the last time I talked to my dad, he passed on later that night.
If he is out there workin,,,, go on back out and spend time with him, together.
We had lots of great times, and our share of bad times. It takes time to heal, Im still stung by my dad's passing, but each and every time I fire up his old 3020 JD, I know he is looking down listening to that JD,,, that we went to pick up on my Birthday in 2007, restored it, he got to pull it twice.
Fast forward,,,,, I took that same JD to the last pull he competed in,,,,,, deadweight pull it was.
I know that sled was stuck in the same place,,, my dad could not move it from the year before,, I backed that 3020 in, and we gave it all it had. We pulled it!! We pulled the load that no body could for a while,,,, but the load stopped us,,,, but it sure was fun to look over at Mom to watch her, watch me do what her husband loved to do for so many years before. We all felt closer to something that night. Wait till next year,,,, LOL!
I belive that all dad's love thier kids. Sometimes, we forget.
ChadS
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