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OT/Dealing with family members

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Anonymous-0

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There's some very knowledgeable and wise people on here so maybe they can give me some advice. My mom is in her late 70's and in reasonably good health, at least physically. Some times I can have a normal conversation with her but usually she flips the conversation around, totally changes the subject and won't even listen to what I'm trying to talk about or explain to her. I often have to just hang up the phone. She's never really been supportive of ventures I've under taken and it seems like she just wants to argue without even listening to what I'm saying. My girlfriend notices too that my mom goes off on tangents. I'd like to be able to have normal conversations but I'm almost afraid to want to try. It's very upsetting. Has anyone else gone through something similar? It's not good to be so upset and have to hang up on your own mom. Of course she doesn't see the problem. I don't know what to do. Thanks for understanding. Dave
 

If she's in her late 70's, you're obviously a grown man and able to deal with these kinda things. Bet you've been telling her about your parts counter fiascos and got on her nerves :shock:

Could be more you than her. If your GF agrees with you, you prolly deserve each other.

Dave
 
135 Fan ,

My mom is 72 and she gets things backwards , forgets stuff , etc. So, it maybe that she can't help it, as it's just a condition of old age . One question , though, has she always been like this or has it just started here recently ? If it started recently , then that could mean the on start of a mental / medical problem. If it's started recently , then it may be a good idea to take her to a good doctor that has experience treating older people . Whatever the case may be, if it is ,or isn't, a medical problem then you'll just have to klearn to be patient and learn to tolerate and deal with it. Be glad that you can still talk to her , for what it's worth.

Whizkid
 
I figured I'd get some smart a$$ comments. Was more looking for a solution though, other than not talking to her. Dave
 
Dave, there are some people you are just not going to have as close a relationship with as you'd like. My mom, too, is in reasonably good health and in her '70's...but my wife has trouble understanding why Mom and I aren't as close as she and her late mom were. Mom has always put me in the middle of helping her out when she has a problem, but she won't listen to my advice. My sister lives in Colorado,and my brother lives in Indianapolis, so I'm the only one within a 20-minute drive of her house.

Mom is very possessive of everything she has, but then she gets all tripped off when I remind her that just because SHE is in the business of raising horses, that I am not necessarily in the business of raising horses. If she wants advice on something, nothing I tell her is valid, unless my sister tells her the same thing. Then it's only valid because my sister said it, not because I told her the same thing [I suppose that means that every time Sis and I agree,I must've just gotten lucky.]

But whenever there's a problem, guess who's the first person she calls to help out? It sure ain't Sis. I really don't care to hear the latest gossip about the folks she deals with at the Senior Citizen center, and since I don't go to her church, I really don't care who's in the choir and who's causing trouble talking behind people's back. So I really only talk to Mom about once a month. My brother doesn't contact Mom at all; they've had a running feud over trivial stuff for at least 15 years, and I don't care to get into the middle of it. Every time it looks lke they're about to reconcile,one of 'em or the other says something thoughtless, and here we go again!

My brother is another case. He gets all wound up talking sports and politics, and if you don't agree with his opinions, then you have no right to be breathing the same air. Several times I've hung up on him when he's in the middle of a rant. We're only in contact when HE decides to call ME, and lately he's been talking more like family than like some Hitler wannabe, so I've been taking his calls. Sometimes he'll call and engage in meaningless chit-chat for an hour, and after we get off the phone I still don't know exactly why he called...other than maybe just to stay in touch.

We all have our quirks. If you've got a family member whose buttons you tend to push, or who tends to push your buttons, the best idea is to limit contact, and then only over stuff that's important. If it's trivial, let it go, lest you rouse the sleeping beast, so-to-speak. That's how I've done things,and family relations aren't nearly as difficult as they used to be.
 
I have to go with Whiz & d-2,you need to man-up. I bet she has seen many times you didn't listen to what she was saying to you.
 
It's been on and off for quite a while. Like I said, sometimes she's OK but not very often. She lives 3 hours away and I highly doubt she'd even go to a Dr. to get checked out. She was never really religous but she gets some religous newsletter in the mail and sometimes goes completely off her rocker. She thinks there is going to be some big event where all the people that have done bad things are going to be punished and get what they deserve. I try and tell her that a lot of people have gotten away with some really serious crimes and wrong doing but she still thinks that all the money and belongs she lost are all going to be returned. That's just not going to happen. My grandma passed away in the 90's and the will has never been finalized because my aunt's are all in a feud with my mom. They don't talk. I ask my mom about it and she won't tell the truth about what is going on. My mom is not as well off as her sisters and I think wanted more of my grandma's assets. She say's it not my business anytime I ask her about things she's done that are questionable. Dave
 
I feel for you man. I don"t have any parents or in-law parents left. A hard thing when your ma starts loosing her facilites. The woman who brought you up all them years. This sucks, but get a lawer and get control over the financial stuff now. I know it sounds cold but I"ve been through it 4 times.

God bless you.
 
Sounds like it could be medical , possiblly. I've heard that people with Alzheimers (?) or dermentia (?)for example ,have good days and bad days as in it comes and goes , especially in the first part or early stages of it.

Whiz
 
My mom took about 10 years to settle Dad's estate, because she was "waiting" on the settlement of a grievance with the Postal Service that had been settled years before. She collected Dad's life insurance, and every month she gets a widow's pension from the USPS along with her SS [Dad ran a garage for years, both before and concurrently with his USPS work]...but then she's always talking about how she doesn't have any money. Of course, since she has the pension and the SS deposited in her SAVNGS account, it just stands to reason that unless she transfers some of it, there's next to nothing in her checking account.

Last spring, someone GAVE her the money to get her glasses replaced, because they'd been taped together for years and were finally beyond repair. To get her to the eye doctor's office, I had to get her to meet me at the bank--she wanted a "witness" when she renewed one CD of hers--and then I took her across the street to the eye doctor's office myself to make sure she got her eyes examined and her eyeglasses replaced.

I guess she's waiting for someone to GIVE her the money to get her dentures fixed, too...despite what she has in a couple of CD's [she says she's saving that money for her "old age"...I pi$$ed her off when I told her that, at 77 years old, she's already there, and she needed to get those dentures fixed].
 
By the way, There's nothing worse than when your mother's laying there with a respirator running and the doctor who was in your high school class says....... time to choke.... let her go.
 
135 Fan,

I'll be honest . I don't know why she's like that , or what you should do . It has to be your decision in the end . But, whatever you decide , make sure that it's a decision that you can live with for the rest of your life, especially if you decide to limit or break off contact with her. One of these days she'll be gone and you'll be wishing that you can see her or hear her voice again . Know what I mean ??? And I'm sure that most everyone on here will agree with me on this .


Whizkid
 
I think you have to put it in perspective. Try talking about different things when you tajk to your mom. Just ask her how she feels and make sure she feels ok, dont tell her about your ventures if that is what you usually diaagree with. My mom is 82 now and in a nursing home. She has had m.s. for 25 years and hasnt walked a step in about 4 years. There is a picture of her sitting in my truck in 1 of my posts I lifted her into my truck every weekend for 10 years so she could get out and away. Now she is too weak to take her places , but I go to see her every night after work. She says things that upset me sometimes but if I argue with her I always feel bad about it. I have learned not to argue and I can change the subject without her knowing it. I would give anything to see my moms legs get better and that she could walk. You dont have to overcome that. I not trying to downplay your problem, I m sure its real Im just trying to say that your problem is possible to solve. please let me know if you read this and I would be happy to talk more with you if you would like. It also might help if your girlfriend talked to my wife because my wife has been great through all those years and it hasnt been an easy thing for her. It might be nice for the 2 women to talk about it. dont forget please let me know if you read this message
 
Is your mom's behavior any different than it was in the past? If so, it sounds like she may be suffering from dementia. It will only get worse, but the sooner you can get her into a neurologist for evaluation the better. There are some medications available now to treat early symptoms of dementia.
 
I don't know if she's in the early stages of dementia or alzheimers but she was even worse a few years ago. Getting her to see a Dr. for an evaluation would be next to impossible. She went to visit my sister and at first said the grand kids were great but then all of sudden they are just brats. They're young kids. I think she really got into the religous stuff hoping that would straighten her out. She's a totally different person than she used to be 20 years ago. Dave
 
There are no solutions Dave. Sometimes we just have to humor people in their old age. At the same time we have to humor ourselves to keep our sanity. I have a similar situation. Just have to avoid the touchy subjects. And you can't convince someone who went through the depression that they are better off spending their money on themselves instead of wasting away in the bank. We have my MIL at home after she broke her hip this summer. 90 and some times as sharp as a tack and sometimes the slight dementia is obvious. She needs one of the power chairs to help her stand up but she won't spend the money so she just has to suffer. Nothing I can do about it so I don't worry. She is one of those people that just do something when it is their idea. So we just use the power of suggestion waiting for the time that she catches on and decides to do something. She goes in shortly to get her second catarat eye surgery done. Her big problem is that she is half deaf and refuses to get a hearing aid. We are yelling all the time around the house and the tv is turned up to 3/4 full volume. That has shortend a lot of conversations cause I tell her I'm not going to yell and remind her she needs a hearing aid (even though she would probably lose it in 2 days).
 
By your reply, one thing is evident. You ARE NOT looking for an answer so much as you're looking for rationalization for YOUR opinion(s).

1. Your mother is YOUR MOTHER. Quit arguing with her and show her proper respect. You can disagree, but do so without causing a fight.

2. Maybe she IS right. What makes you think YOU are ALWAYS right and she's ALWAYS wrong. It NEVER works out that way. Most adults realize that. Some never do.

3. Unless you were unsure of yourself from the get-go, there's no reason why you need her validation for your "ventures". The fact that a grown man is still "asking mommy" to tell him everything is OK, you already have your doubts. When she doesn't tell you everything is perfect, you get mad at her.

4. Girlfriends will almost always agree with what you say. (Wives don't always.)

5. Just because you don't agree with someone elses opinion, that alone does NOT make it a "smart a$$ comment". By saying that, it's very apparent you aren't looking for an honest opinion, we're back to you just wanting to hear what you want to hear.
 
Fear,denial, loss of control and depression sometimes affects seniors.
Fear of being "taken advantage of" as in all the horror stories they have heard.Fear of loosing ones physical and mental senses etc. Then of course this leaves them open to denial and/or depression.
A person suffering from fear,denial and depression will present some challenges.
 
Ever heard "The Serenity Prayer" Give it a try.

You ONLY have charge of and can control YOUR OWN emotions and feelings habits etc NOT someone elses. You have to do what is right and allow others their own emotions and habits etc AND THEN LET IT GO. Dont give them power over your emotions YOU CONTROL YOUR OWN and let them do the same without reacting. It will feel so good to LET IT GO and not give others power over you. They only have whatever power (over you) you give them, so let em do their thing AND LET IT GO and you do your own WITHOUT REACTING TO THEM. They have their issues and you have yours

Best wishes n God Bless, now go and take control of yourself and understand and allow others their own thing, because youre only responsible for yourself NOT OTHERS ISSUES

John T NO WARRANTY, Im an Engineer and Attorney NOT a shrink lol
 
Dave,

If you can do it, just let go of the whole concept of a "meaningful" discussion. You may not be able to have a real conversation with your mom. She might not hear very well or her thoughts may be a little scattered. It doesn't matter - you may just have to start a conversation and then listen to her talk a while. She will like it if you sound and look interested, so work on faking it if you have to.

Mine died of a stroke this past summer so I don't even have that.
 
Is she getting at least one well balanced meal per day? Some older people lose their mental edge due to not eatting well. Is she alone quite often? With out someone to talk to very often, she maybe is becomiing a bit "scatter-brained" and is losing her train of thought, so to speak.
Maybe she is looking for reassurances from you that she is ok and is looking for you to provide her with it. Try to agree with her more.

My Dad tells me the same stories. At least he remembers them the same each time.
SDE
 
it takes 2 to argue so if you don't there won't be an argument.You seem a little old to need your Mom's OK for projects/ventures unless of course she is footing part of the Bill then thats a whole 'nother can of worms.The last thing I'd do is to burden my elderly Mother with my day to day
business problems.At her age she doesn't need the hassle.
 
All of us are free independent citizens, with civil rights and human rights. Your Mom owes you nothing, and has no obligation to please you.
You are the Caretaker. You give far more than you get. I am old, and I know how frustrating it is, and how crabby i can get.
American culture has public and private means to help you. Your County and church can help. Your extended family should pitch in.
 
From what you've posted I think your Mom's not the problem. Why are you talking to your Mom about ventures? Are you over 21? She apparantly doesn't give a rats arse about your ventures. And you hang up on her? Nice.
 
(quoted from post at 06:39:13 01/31/10) There's some very knowledgeable and wise people on here so maybe they can give me some advice. My mom is in her late 70's and in reasonably good health, at least physically. Some times I can have a normal conversation with her but usually she flips the conversation around, totally changes the subject and won't even listen to what I'm trying to talk about or explain to her. I often have to just hang up the phone. She's never really been supportive of ventures I've under taken and it seems like she just wants to argue without even listening to what I'm saying. My girlfriend notices too that my mom goes off on tangents. I'd like to be able to have normal conversations but I'm almost afraid to want to try. It's very upsetting. Has anyone else gone through something similar? It's not good to be so upset and have to hang up on your own mom. Of course she doesn't see the problem. I don't know what to do. Thanks for understanding. Dave
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y mom has been gone now for about 6 years. She was 88 when she passed away. Many times I talked to her on the phone or in person and would just let her talk. She would tell me things that were of no interest such as what was going on in one of her friends lives or what happened years ago. I think this is part of the aging process and one must deal with it carefully to prevent misunderstanding and hurt feelings. Many times I was bored out of my mind but Now I wish I could listen to her just one more time.
 
I think your Mom knows you better than anyone of us. People do sometimes get less tolerant as they get older and I imagine she's just tired of hearing you toot your own horn knowing nothing will change. Step back and be more objective. It doesn't help to line up your girl friend on your side either. She should be sympathetic but, neutral.
 
Two thoughts on dealing with Mom (and everything else in life):

Always take the high road.

Don't burn any bridges.

And to make that work, you must learn to not sweat the small stuff.

Hope things get better.
Paul
 
My mother sometimes says things that I don't care for, but I don't hang up on her. I don't get her too involved in my daily activities. Frankly, my trials and tribulations aren't all that interesting. If something good happens, I share that with my parents. Bad stuff I try not to say much. I figure they have enough problems of their own, they don't need to hear mine.
 
You got that right. One of my best friends, who also happens to be a medical doctor, told me once in frustration, "Women are just different creatures than us men. They don't think the same, they don't act the same, they're---just different".

I think that was after my wife complained all summer about not going water skiing often enough, and then when Labor Day dawned a perfect day for water skiing decided she didn't want to go to the lake.
 
Hey Dave. I think you can help yourself if you learn to appreciate what you have and realize that maybe your mother isn"t interested in your ventures. Maybe she doesn"t understand a lot of what you"re saying to her. Relax and let her control the conversation for a change and listen to her. Something I learned when my mother died. As long as you have one parent living, you"re still a kid but when you loose your last parent, you"re not a kid anymore.
 
Looking back at people I knew who had dementia or Alzheimer's, I have come to the conclusion that it starts much earlier than most people around them really detect it. A person just doesn't seem to pick up the hints that the affected person is having problems.
 
One thing Ive noticed when somebody tells a story like this is everything they are saying can be also turned around on them.Like you probably dont listen to your Mom.It sounds like you turn a conversation into an argument.I have had arguments with older relatives before,but didnt hang up on them.I just let them win by saying something like I never thought about it like that,or I see what you are saying,and let it go.Winning an argument is not important if you want to get along with them.If an older person tells you something,even if you dont like it,you should listen to it first,then either you go along with it,or say I dont agree and talk about something else.Try and find something they like to talk about.If you try and talk about that religious stuff it will not work to try and change her mind on it.She also doesnt care about your problems now.If you try and drag that stuff in there all you are going to get from it is trouble.
I bet if we heard a story from your Mom about this it would be completely different from her view.Im a mechanic not a psychiatrist so follow any of this advise at your own risk.I agree that most of the problem sounds like it is you more than her.Dont gang up on her with your girlfriend either.You have to look at it from her perspective,not yours.Once you do that it might be different in your mind and you can see where you are messing up.Lots of people get big and tough on the phone they think.Hanging up makes you a snob with an attitude problem or too stupid to talk sensibly.
 
Most of us are.... we all change. Im a lot different now than I was 20 years ago.Sometimes with age people get more assertive, sometimes more passive. It may very well be dementia, a mini stroke, or any one of a thousand health conditions. Let her lead a conversation, listen to her. Try to determine if there is a health problem or instability that endangers her health and welfare or that of others.
 
Touchy personal subject,but I've just given up on my mother and about half of my brothers and sisters. The last of my sisters that I had anything to do with started f#*king up a year ago and I told her,there's right and wrong and there's family. If you don't think I'll take the side of right over family,ask your mother and I named the others. She didn't listen. It's not worth the agrivation,trust me. If mother wants to act civil,let her come to you when she straightens up. Til then,go on with your life.
 
My Mom is 81 and mentally she is great and physically she has a heart valve problem and internal bleeding that NO-ONE has been able to fix. She could be gone tomorow. Dad is gone. Here's what I do. Talk about the past! They are very sharp about the past and enjoy talking about it. Think of any family history questions you could possibly want answered in the next 20 yrs and get them answered because in my case , she is the last one holding this information. Get off the present , older people have a hard time dealing with the present anyway. Can't say as I blame them a bit. Because of the way they were brought up , todays world values just suck and they fall victim to it every day. I'm 59+ and can see it in myself more every day. So when you talk to her, bring up the "good ole days" back when she enjoyed life and you will kill two birds with one stone. She will be happy and you will learn something that possibly she could carry to her grave. Get that pipeline going before it's too late.
 
rrlund , I feel for ya ,man. As a fellow Michigander I have to say my family is just the opposite and the more stories I hear the luckier I feel. I guess I am truely blessed. Hope things work themselves out. Randy.
 
I've got my own kids and grandkids and the brothers that I do associate with,so I honestly don't care about the ones that can't act like respectable members of the community. I've threatened to add the "in" back onto the end of my last name that my ancestors had when they came over from Sweden,but to heck with it. Let THEM live with what they do. I've got a good family,I don't need the rest them's crap.
 
Dave, My mom died in 1984. She was kinda like that, talked way out of line sometimes (like telling me how great my exwife was doing). I didn't want to hear it. Little did any of us kids know she was having mini strokes.
I'm not rich by any means, but I'll tell you, I'd give everything I own or ever hope to have in the future for just a 5 minute talk with her again. I wouldn't care what she had to say as long as I talked to her. You have to do what you feel is best, but think real long & hard before you do anything you'll regret. Keith
 
Knowing your propensity to be a whiny little bitchh like you are here, I can see her point. The problem is you, not her.
 
Odds are she won't accept any answers from you, her child and you will always be her child. Not an equal adult.
Best you can do instead of telling. Ask questions and let her come up the the answer which happens to be exactly what you were telling her. No problem now because "it's her idea".
We do this all the time with engineers and managers at work.
 
Thank you for one of the more practical responses. My mom doesn't have too many friends and lives away from all the kids. I think she's turned most of her friends away as well. My brother rarely ever talks to my mom. A few years ago, all the kids were very concerned and wanted her to see a Dr. Some kind of counselor went to her apartment, because she refused to go to a Dr., to talk to her but of course my mom would never give any indications that she wasn't well or needed some help. It's highly possible that she knew she needed help and was worried she'd be put in the hospital for observation or tests. My grandma had alzheimers and mom was wondering if she might be getting it at one point. My girlfriend works in healthcare(extended care) with mostly elderly people, she was at a veterans center for many years. She even told my mom that she needs to stop being so negative towards me and things I'm doing. My mom is very good at hindsight and saying things like, if you'd have done this and not done that, you'd be way better off. If you'd only have listened to me. My mom didn't have many smart business decisions. A good example is when I sold my acreage. I got a good price for it at the time and also found another property that I could afford at the same time. This was in 2004. Of course a couple years later prices skyrocketed. Trying to explain to my mom that, yes, I could have sold the acreage for more... but the land I purchased would have also cost more is something she just can't seem to grasp. She will bring it anytime the acreage comes up in a conversation. My mom will say that money isn't important but her words and actions are to the contrary. My mom will say that she moved to be close to my grandma, so she could help her. My mom's sister lived close. My brother and sister as well as me think that a big reason my mom moved there was because she was trying to get more money when my grandma passed on. That sounds really cruel but my grandma's assets have never been settled and my mom and aunt's don't talk. My mom refuses to tell the whole story of what is going on. My grandma's first will gave all the grand kids $5000 but my mom didn't think they should get that money. My mom's sister's are better off than my mom, so of course my mom doesn't think they need any more money. I think my mom is very bitter over things that have happened to her in the past, and won't accept it. A lot of it wasn't her fault but stuff happens. She called me as I was typing this, like nothing happened yesterday. I think she knows she irritated me and it was kind of an apology. Dave
 
Living with an 85 year old wife I feel for you but you just have to take it the way it is. some People get funny in their old age its not their or your fault. You just have to except it an go on with life. Remember one thing don't give up talking to your mother you will regret it the rest of your life an life is just to short.
Walt
 
Yup, this is a people skill.

The person is starting out, 'Oh mom is always wrong."

Well, mom realizes that attitude! :)

You 2 are locked in now, each of you not listening to the other, only assuming the other is a dunce.

Takes a real attitude change to start communicating again. If you don't change, you mom won't change.

You can't control your mom, so it's up to you to change. You get to go first. And takes a lot of change, and you won't be taken seriously for some time. It's all up to you....

There could be medical conditions causing this as well, we aren't doctors.....

--->Paul
 
Hi 135 Fan: Could be part of "Division" Jesus said he will cause.. Luke 12:51-54 He wants 'YOU' to learn how to deal with the problem is what I take from scripture. In some parts of the Bible it led to physical violence among family members. You have to back your emotions away from making any change in the other person. It can also be partly medical related. I was born into a very conflict riddled family and was lucky to physicaly excaped with the sheriff & a pastor help. Hang loose and force yourself to avoid emotional conflict... Tough to do but "You" must change your mindset... ag
 
I don't talk a lot about my ventures but my mom still knows what I'm doing. If I have a good day or good month, then she's very OK with it. She always trying to tell me what to do, even when I never asked or don't want her opinion. Dave
 
135Fan says "Funny how you can't post under the same handle or state your real name. Must not be MAN enough."

So maybe you have been pisssed at your mom ever since she named you 135 Fan.
 
After having some time to sleep on my first responses, I have to say now that the parent-child relationship thing could well be the problem. Mom will be 78 in 2 weeks, and Grandma will be 99 in about 6 weeks...and they share a home at the family farm. Grandma still won't accept that Mom is an adult and capable of making her own decisions about things, and often when Mom calls she talks about how Grandma did this or that to upset her, or how Grandma won't let her run her own life. And all I can tell her is that Grandma is in the later stages of life, and she's entitled to her own opinions.

They're living together in the house they moved to when Mom was about 11 or 12, with Mom having moved back in about 4-5 years ago. Grandma has been spending winters in Texas with my uncle since the early 1970's, and the family decided it probably wasn't a good idea for the house to be unoccupied for the 5 or 6 months Grandma is gone.

But Mom and Grandma both have a possessive thing going on, whether it's about groceries or the TV or whatever. Neither wants to share. Mom still has what I call "packrat syndrome," and she never throws things away. The last time we hauled newspapers to recycling for her, she had enough to nearly fill the 7-foot bed of her pickup, for example. Grandma is always on Mom's case about storing stuff where it should be, and about cleaning up after herself better...and probably for good reason, from what I've seen.

But Mom has always had a problem with looking after herself...she can barely get to the post office to mail off her bill payments on time, but she's been a 4-H leader for 40 years; she's been an officer in the saddle club for 45 years [they finally "retired" her this year by finding other candidates to run for office]; she's been actively involved in the extension homemaker's club, the Royal Neighbors club, and she works 3-5 days a week at the Senior Citizens Center. She sings in the church choir, and she's involved in the ladies' group at the church. She can get on the phone and solicit donations from businesses for her charities, but she can't manage to call up a business and discuss a problem she may be having with them, or a service she's already paid for.

Not to mention that she's managed to keep in the horse business since Dad died in '91. So when she's not busy wth all her volunteer stuff, she's constantly repairing fences and running water. And of course she can't ever go anywhere to visit family or friends who are more than an hour's drive away, because she's tied down to [or by] the horses.

But if anyone suggests she cut back any of her volunteer activities in order to better look after herself, she reacts as if you'd told her she needed to amputate one of her own limbs without the benefit of anesthetic.

So perhaps I can understand a part of the dynamic you're describing between you and your mom.
 


I have read all of the post and I look at this way. If you are looking for an answer the answer will not be found here or any where, The answer will be found in your HEART,
Your MOTHER is your mother. Lover her for who she is, and respect her what she is.
After all she brought you in this world, and she has raised you the best you could be, and To make you who you are. If it was not for her love you and a commitment to raise you and bring you up in a loving family, you would not be here today.
Think about this for just one second, you some day will be in the very same shoes that she is in, would you want your family to just walk out of your life. I am thinking not.
Yes you may not agree with what she may say that is ok, and she may not agree with what you may say, and that is ok as well. Your place right now, is speed time with her take her out to lunch, talk about her day not yours give her a funny card. Because some day my good friend she will be gone and it will be to late to speed the time you wished you should have. The best healing medicine to heal is A HUG, A PECK ON HE CHECK,AND I LOVE YOU. So remember your MOTHER brought you in to this world loving you, So let her leave this world with you loving her:: I am sorry if I have hurt your feelings::
JR. Frye
 
Yes. Sometimes things are fine but getting shot down and told of all the bad choices you made, gets to you after a while. Everybody's made some bad choices and sometimes want help to make better choices. That's OK. Being told what you should do without asking is another thing, especially after something is done and can't be changed. Dave
 
I didn't a manual! I think someone didn't read the manual for you though and got the test tubes mixed up. Dave
 
Hi Buzzman: You made some valid points. My oldest sister could never do anything to please here mother... Never. 50 years later I started to see that the birth of my oldest sister was the event that "forced" her mother to stay married to a very difficult man thus she took it out on my oldest sister... Classic case of a kid blamed for "forcing" the parent to stay married for the "benifit" of the children. Could be part of the 'division' I refered to in another post. Makes for a very strained life.. ag
 
Im like that am now 85 and drive my kids pu the wall. start out on a subject then the next thing i know im on a diffrent subject i dont realise it untill they go home and it sinks in..wont be long and i will be that way all the time . gona have to stay around the house for my safty
have good and bad days old art
 
(quoted from post at 18:42:59 01/31/10) Yes. Sometimes things are fine but getting shot down and told of all the bad choices you made, gets to you after a while. Everybody's made some bad choices and sometimes want help to make better choices. That's OK. Being told what you should do without asking is another thing, especially after something is done and can't be changed. Dave
Click to expand...

After close study and observation, I've come to the professional conclusion that there is one of two things happening here. Either, as you like to make us believe, you are a poor soul always charitable to others and trying to do the right thing, and the whole world is against you from the parts counter guy to your mother. Or, your a middle aged guy that still hasn't got your head on straight and can't take it when someone points it out. You pick.


Dave
 
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