Fritz Maurer
Well-known Member
On the playground in school there would be fights, someone would say, "I'm gonna cream you, man!" This led me to think that someone was about to pummeled into a bloody mass. The thought of building a fire under somebody never occurred to me. Another playground game we played was 'Smear the Queer', which seemed to dovetail with the process of being "creamed". When I was 7 or 8 years old, my dad would be reading the obits (something else I never understood until years later) and I heard him tell my mom that Mr. Jones was going to be cremated. I was horrified. How does this happen? A road roller? A giant blender? "Why would they do that?" I asked my dad. "It's what Mr. Jones wanted" he said. While I was pondering why Mr. Jones would want such a gruesome ending, dad added," Then they take the remains and put them in a jar, called a urn." Okay, now that was just sickening. I knew what some people did with urns, put them on their mantles and such. Why would someone want a jar of guts in their house? I didn't want to hear any more, I went outside to play. Grown-ups sure did strange things. I suppose what added to my confusion was the fact that I knew what it meant to 'incinerate'. Believe me, I knew what an incinerator was. We had a gas one in our basement. I am the world's record holder for household goods disposed of in an incinerator, including some things my mom didn't want disposed of. I loved to put pots and pans in there and catch the molten aluminum in the ash pan (my first foundry). Nobody really paid much attention, they thought I was such a helpful little boy, always wanting to burn the garbage. However, they began to pay attention when the gas bill came. The only other gas appliance down there was a hot water tank. The bill was 400.00. In 1972. In July. My dad was as hot as my little ash-pan castings. Another term I had trouble with was "late". The late Mr. Jones. The first time I heard it, I wondered what he was late for. Later, I thought late meant young. You know, a late model tractor. Mr. Jones was born in 1908, he was therefore "early"; born in the early part of the century. What was late about it? Grown-ups sure have strange ideas.
