O/T Daughter's Share in Oklahoma Move

We're taking my daughter back to school in Oklahoma only because she wants to take her cat, and some furniture for her new apartment. She usually flies. She has offered to help with expenses. She has money from her grad school teaching. It's close to 1,000 miles one way. It won't be a hardship on us to pay the whole shot. I'm thinking if she wanted to pay for one fill-up and maybe dinner that would be good enough. It's not the money, it's the thought. Wife, not quite as generous, is thinking the gas out. What do you guys think? I'm tempted to let my daughter decide what she thinks is fair. She knows what it cost and how much more it would be with her cat. At the same time, what are dads for if they can't help their kids?

Larry

She sounds like a great kid, let her know you cannot afford it and see what she wants to help with, use that as a start.

If its not a hardship I would take her and pay the freight and not worry about it. At the risk of sounding like a cliche, the extra time spent with your daughter is priceless.

Have her fly, ship the cat. Once she is there she can buy furniture to put in her 'new' place.

2,000 mile round trip is gonna cost some change to drive (fuel, eats for 3 people, hotel room/s, etc.). By flying she'll be there in a few hours and can use the time saved to shop for furnishings for her new digs.

But, if you want the extra time to spent with her...then I say Road Trip is called for.

Just take off and drive. If she dips in to her pocket and offers to pay for something,let her. If not,you're going on a site seeing trip and visiting her new place.

I helped drive my daughter from SD to NC and flew back.
Paid for it all and was worth every bit to spend father/daughter time. She never asked me to pay her way. I just wanted to do for her. A Dad's prerogative.

My wife and I just drove to Michigan for my son and hauled out a load of furniture, books,guns and other necessaries. 1,050 miles one way. We're having a great time with him and again paid for the whole trip and worth every penny.

My kids are very independent and wouldn't ask for help so we get to offer which is great. They don't need us but allow us to be around if we want to and on our schedule. That's worth a couple tanks of gas any day.

Helped our Daughter and Son in law move from Omaha to Racine WI a few years ago. Did not ask for or expect help with gas, meal, ect. When I hauled her horse up a few months later, I asked for gas money one way, she also bought a meal. Hauled another load of stuff for them last fall, did not ask for or expect anything. Time with them is the important factor

The old saying... " a sons a son till he takes a wife, a daughters a daughter for life"

Id pay it all, but if she offers to buy a tank or your meal that's fine. Years past we had to rent a U Haul and drag our daughter half way across the country at great expense towing it behind the RV to Austin Texas A&M, I have absolutely no regrets and we can afford it more then a young kid starting out. The fact shes going to school and working speaks well so I would cut her some slack, but that's just me, other familys may be far different, so to heck with what any of us think, ITS YOUR DAUGHTER YOUR CALL

John T

Take her, enjoy the time you will spend together, make it a real family outting and don't mention money...moving 1,000 miles away is her first big step in being gone for good...enjoy her while you can, you're lucky she's giving you this (last?) opportunity.

We just got back from a trip with our daughter. We didn't ask her to pay for anything and we didn't expect her to. We kept having to tell her to put her purse away when it was time to pay, but she still managed to pay for several things.
Since you can afford the trip yourself, I would just let her pay what she feels that she needs to, and if she doesn't pay anything, don't worry about it, just enjoy your time with her.

I would call that a family vacation and would pay for it all. I would not want her to know I even expected her to pay for some. You and ma might swing out of the way on the way home and do some site seeing.

Within the last couple of weeks, our daughter moved from Falls Church, VA, just outside of DC, to Omaha. LaVista, actually, a suburb on the south edge of Omaha.

My wife flew to DC and spent a week helping Amy pack the dishes and smaller things. My wife then flew home with Amy's cat in a carrier between her feet on the plane. A moving company then packed and moved all of her stuff. Amy then drove her car back, with stops in Lexington, KY and Independence, MO. She went to LA Vista first and finalized her apartment then came out here and stayed with us until the movers arrived.

A week ago this morning, the movers arrived with her stuff, and we all met at her apartment. We got her unloaded and she got enough unpacked and arranged to stay overnight. She started her new job on Tuesday.

She's still working as a paralegal with a real estate title company, but this company is growing where the company she worked for in McClean, VA was kind of stagnating. And the company in Omaha is expanding into more commercial work, which is what Amy is more experienced in. She'd been talking around the edges for the last year or two about moving back to the Midwest, and everything fell into place. She even has mutual friends among management and her co-workers in Omaha, and her contacts and connections around DC will be a big plus for the company in Omaha.

When she went to DC ten years ago, she'd just graduated from college and loaded all her worldly possessions in her car. Coming back now, the moving company had an even 100 cartons.

For my own part, about all I did was deposit an extra $5,000 in her savings account in case she needed any of it for the move. We haven't settled up on that yet, but she said she'd give back what she didn't use and pay back what she did use over a period of time. I won't be too harsh of a lender.

Her car is a '13 Hyundai Veloster sporty coupe, and she took the southern route specifically so she could drive through the mountains. I guess she had a ball. She takes after her old man in that she appreciates a good performing, good handling car and isn't afraid to take it to its limits with out being reckless.

Didn't mean to ramble on, but logistically that was quite an operation.

Tell the SWMBO she can't take it with her ! Just help the daughter out and pay all of it, gas,food and lodging !!!! Jim in N.M.

That's what I was thinking. Branson's right along the way. I'd be milking this thing out to a two week trip. lol

As some others have said I'd call it a nice trip and pay the bill.Women can get real nitpicking on $$$.Have you ever seen a group of females split up payment on a dinner tab? They get right down the the penny.

I guess I would have to know whether she would pick up any responsibilities for her parents when they get too old to function independently. If so, the minor amount of money for moving expense would NEVER be enough to cover the worry of being responsible for aging parents.

Thanks for all the thoughts. I'm not asking her to pay anything; she offered to help. That's the important part. It's the thought. When she came home she bought New York Strip for the four of us. Her brother was home for the 4th from Chicago. This is her second year at grad school studying astrophysics.

Randy;

I'd love to stretch it out for two weeks or longer. I'd like to see Allan in NE's spread and spend some time in some of the native prairie remnants. Unfortunately, wife only see a bunch of grass. I sure would have like to seen it when the country was new.

Larry

(quoted from post at 16:44:50 07/20/14)
I'd love to stretch it out for two weeks or longer. I'd like to see Allan in NE's spread and spend some time in some of the native prairie remnants. Unfortunately, wife only see a bunch of grass. I sure would have like to seen it when the country was new.

Larry

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She's your daughter, shouldn't have to pay.

Leave wife at home, go see Allen and have a really good time.