Rant for today,

Why do people turn on you? Wow. Well I finally got my tractor
out of my barn, snow slid off the roof last month, it made a
mound and froze, I chopped the ice away and my brother tried
scrapping it with his slidsteer. Finally the tractor canopy barely cleared the barn door. So that being done I asked my soon to
be hopefully, ex wife if I could keep my daughter here until
wedensday 7pm, as the travel conditions are pretty bad, I'm
supposed to return her tonight, go back and get her tomorrow
night, been this way for 8 months, my custody trial was cancelled
twice, ect. I get my daughter one day a week and every other
weekend. Mom says she can stay, but you may have to bring
her to daycare tomorrow? And I want her back Tuesday at
7pm, She can't stay with you until Wednesday 7 PM? I can't
believe she won't give me 1 extra stinkin day with my
daughter? All iv been threw since last June, I can't wait for my
day in court! I can't believe 12 good years with her all I did for her and her parents and she stabs me right in the back repetitively. Lol. On top of all that my tractor is parked outside
my garage.

On the brighter side, you now have an opportunity to clean your garage. Hang in there!

First problem is you had a kid. NOW the laws have you by the jewels. I am not a big kid fan and never had any. As you said"All I did for her" same with me. Ex Bbich listened to the gal pals. Lucky for me I interveiwed SEVEN lawers till I found a good one. In New Jersey she only got $2500.oo award. Today with all of the screwed up laws I tell young guys NOT to get married. If you are happy and like each other just don't do it! When they get that need to get married look in their eyes it is time to RUUUUUUUNNNNN. Sad but true. Hang in there and I hope your life straightens out. Do yourself a favor and move to the other side of the counrty!

JayinNY,

Rant away. I'd rather hear about your soon-to-be ex and her misdeeds, than hear about how you lost your cool and did something worse.

My brother went through what you're describing. I feel for you. Rant until you can't. That's what I told the brother anyways.

Seemed to help him a bit.

D.

My brother went through similar. She tried to play games so he just cancelled his visitation for about 2 months. It was hard not to see his kid. The upside was his ex didn't get any break in taking care of the kid for two months. It made her much more reasonable to work with when she realized how nice it was to ship the kid off to dad. Just an idea.

James' ex gave us all kinds of problems. Kept going back to court every year for over 4 yrs until she finally figured out it was costing her far more than she was gaining.

She did everything she could to interfere with visitation. We always planned activities for weekends when we had the kids. She would plan her activities on weekends they were to come see us and then tell them "you can't go because you have to go to your dad's".

She finally moved away and we didn't pick them up anymore. Then they got to the difficult teenager stage and she tried to force us to come get them!

This could be a no win situation. If you keep your daughter there because of the driving conditions, she might try to use this as a custody violation in your hearing. If you do take your daughter back, she might claim you needlessly endangered her safety.

If you have her email, send an email asking to keep her there because driving conditions are bad. When she refuses, you have written proof she demanded you bring her back even though she knew the conditions were hazardous.

I hate to advise this, but having learned the hard way, you have to protect yourself.

Happens all the time. The EX (hubby or wife) ties using the kids to get revenge on the EX. Have a BIL who got custody after his EX told a judge that she didn't care if she saw them again. Oldest was 3. Then 4 years later someone at social services (she was on SSDI fried her brains, drugs) told her she would get more money and bigger apt is she won custody. She fail but did get visitation. Then she played games with that. To include telling my BIL that she couldn't take the boys one weekend. FIL made the BIL drive to the exchange point (sheriffs office) anyway. He was a few minutes early and met her coming out the door after she files a complaint that he was refusing to drop the boys off. Glad I never had to go through with that.


Rick

Thinking about you.

Custody visits and court dates often go much better when child support payments are up to date. Fall behind and problems crop up.

Nancy,

Good advice. Perhaps buy a newspaper reporting the local conditions.

D.

I know what you mean, everything is in text form.

You forgot to include her photo.



My daughter told me last weekend that her mother's divorce from her third husband was final last Friday.

Probably got some old fart with a lot of money lined up to become her next sugar daddy.

Thank you for your advice Nancy, it's appreciated, yours and everyone's elses advice, not that I'm glad you or anyone else goes threw this, but I never have or my parents never have, so its nice to talk to people who have been in a custody situation.

I agree with you 100% we have been waiting for her to break, when I saw the ex wife up close in October, I couldent believe how much her face has aged!

Only one small piece of advice: never say anything bad about your ex-wife in front of your daughter.

Your daughter will be grown some day and will figure it out for herself.

Both of my daughters were in their 30s before they contacted me.

Just do the best you can given the circumstances.

BTDT. Best advice I can offer is to have a GOOD and AGRESSIVE attorney that specializes in domestic issues. Estranged spouses tend to play dirty, and you need to defend yourself aggressively.
When I broke up with my ex-wife, she had me evicted from my house on a court order. A good friend came to see me, and stuffed a wad of $100 bills in my hand and told me to "get a good lawyer." He recommended one, and away we went. I got the house, the furniture, and custody of my stepdaughter. She got exactly what she deserved - NOTHING!
BTW, courts don't care much about whether you are having a hard time with other aspects of your life. Most judges are constipated old coots with bad attitudes. I feel your pain. Hang in there.

There was a little girl on my daughter's soccer team in one of these situations. Dad would get her on weekend, bring her to the game, etc. Mom just tried to make life miserable for Dad any way she could. We all tried to stay out of it and provide a positive environment for the little girl. Girl got tackled hard at one weekend out-of-town tournament and ended up with a broken arm. Dad took her straight to the emergency room, which meant that he was late getting her home. Mom actually called several of us to verify that the girl got hurt, as if the cast wasn't proof enough. Mom made a big fuss over the girl getting home late and brought that up in court, where I heard that was really a case of shooting herself in the foot. From that point on, none of the other parents would give Mom the time of day. Sad story.

Thanks James, I only say nice things about her mom, even thought I'm gritting my teeth to myself. My daughter is just over 3.

That had all been agreed too, no payments either way, she makes more than me so she would have to pay me, she is not going after my house properties ect. She just won't agree to 50/50 joint legal custody, she wants full legal custody and 50/50 physical with me.

Lol, I did forget her photo, thanks for posting it.

Dope ages them quick, if you could prove she's a meth head or crackho you could get the little girl no problem.

Thought that was for me, sorry dident see entire topic!

I don't think she's on that, she has medical problems as a results is on many prescriptions, and had I found out she had depression and post partum depression.

Just remember to always remain outwardly calm... she could be snapping a photo of you with her phone, recording calls or making video.

Document, document, document... email is great because you have proof of every word she typed.

Don't you send any email or text to her with one negative word or one cuss word in it.

(Watch what you type HERE... if she knows you were a fan of this site -- she may be reading here AND copying what you post if there is anything negative which she could use against you... her attorney would have the power to prove that you are the poster too.)

Sorry you have to go through all this.
Had a BIL who's ex made his and my sister's life exceedingly miserable (though they divorced because he caught her with someone else in their home).

He and my sister would try to be flexible about letting her change visitation times or extend the hours or days... but she would never do the same for them. And she repeatedly drug him into court for more money even though he paid very high support AND ALWAYS ON TIME, and she and her new husband had great paying jobs.

BIL finally gave up all parental rights when his girls were about 10 and 12 years old (because the continual arguing was bad for them)... BUT THEY CAME BACK to connect with their Dad after they turned 18 and are still a part of his life to this day.

BUT MOST OF ALL... just love and enjoy that little one - they grow up way too fast!!

she may even read this

Around here we're hearing radio ads for lawyers who are specializing in representing men in divorce cases.
Having known several men who were raked over the coals in divorce court, I'd say it's about time dads starting getting a fair shake.

Right, that's what I meant by HERE.

Also pertains to facebook if he participates in that.

Can't be too careful with something like the big D... especially with custody pending.

I agree with never say anything negative about ex in front of children.

My ex took one of our daughters 300 miles from me and then in a few yrs a 1000 miles away. EX tried in every way to turn my daughters against me. Now one daughter lives behind me & other daughter moved back here in 2001 to live across the road from me. A few yrs later my ex moved back here to be closer to her daughters.

No fair shake here in Texas being a community property law state.

Husband leaves the community . . .

Wife gets all the property.

♬ ♩She got the gold mine and I got the...♫

I had an uncle that helped out some family members repeatedly until it got to the point that they were almost dependent on him for everything that they needed.

He finally realized that they weren't even trying to accomplish anything with the money that he gave them, so he stopped giving. They turned on him like a pack of rabid dogs!

Three of them accosted him in the farmyard one day and I could tell that they were working up to a physical assault so I walked over and stood beside my uncle. I was young, big and strong and they wanted no part of me.

My uncle didn't say a word as they cussed him up one side and down the other. Finally one of my aunt's husband came over and ordered them to shut up and go back into the house.

After they left, my uncle turned to me and said: "Isn't that something." Then he got in his vehicle and left.

I learned from that to be very, very careful about helping family members or anyone else. If I loan someone money, I make them sign a note so they can't say later that it was a gift.

One of the guys in my motor pool. Had his ex use the son as a control tool.Son grew up to hate his mother. Wouldn't even go to her funeral.

The trouble with that ,as nice as it is, you still have complete a hole JUDGES!!!!

she was entertaining someone in their love nest???? yikes it is a wonder she is still alive, that is a lot for a man to accept/
he should a taken pics of the affair and i guarantee she would have been a little more reasonable, knowing he could have painted her as a slot anytime she wanted to act up, if he so had the desire.. bet you can tell i was divorced once GGG

Just my opinion, but personally, I think posting anything on facebook is asking for trouble. After all, it is not much more than a gossip site in the first place.

Jay Have you replaced your current lawyer yet?????
Because the last time you posted about these issues it seemed you lawyer was not doing much for you.

GET ANOTHER LAWYER ASAP!!!! One that is not milking the system. The good ones you pay up front and pay them well. They want to get things done that way. The ones that you pay by the hour are never in any hurry. They make more the longer it takes. Also there are good point about a local lawyer as he/she knows the way around the local legal jungle but they also can be in bed with the local legal system too.

My brother went through a nasty divorce. He went with a local lawyer and was paying him by the hour with about $5000 of billing an not many results. The case was dragging on like yours is. His ex and her lawyer seemed to be running the show. Everything they wanted got considered and his wants did not. I finally convinced him to get a different lawyer from out of town. He paid four times what the other lawyer cost him up front. The case was over in less than six weeks after that. The new lawyer was motivated to get things done for my brother. He got the case moved to another county and things rolled along then. The difference in the property settlement paid the /new" lawyer several times over.

So face the fact that your ex could careless about you!!!. Second she is using your daughter as a TOOL to get you to dance "HER" tune. So far you have danced pretty good for her. It is about time to quit. Get someone that is motivated and on YOUR side.

Sorry to be harsh but your ex can only do to you what you let her. You need to know she is not going to do you any FAVORS at all for any reason. So why asked thinking she will suddenly "change" back into the wife she once was???? In these kind of fights the women are just about always nastier than the men. They seem to have no problem messing their kids up to gain points against the ex-husband.

Jay I wish I was closer to NY. I would love to talk to you. You need to change your thinking about this whole deal. It is a battle in your ex-wife's eyes but your still trying to court/please her. Your sunk until you change that thinking.

No JD I have not got another laywer, I've talked about it with my parents, I have spent over $15,000 so far on this mess! I think getting another lawyer I'm just going to get dragged through the coals again going over the same stuff. I don't know if my attorney would legally have to give up all the evidence I have given her or how that works, I've never been through this before. I also told my attorney that in December we had two snowstorms and the wife didn't even say keep our child so you don't have to travel with her. I know she's doing it just to hurt me, So I be nice, don't say anything bad about the wife to her. and I am definitely not friends with her anymore. I just want the 50-50 joint legal custody we agreed upon, and that she typed up on a piece of paper. I told her attorney in October at a settlement meeting we could end this if she agrees to the 50-50 joint legal custody that she said she wanted and typed on paper her, which both attorneys have, her attorney told me that's not going to happen! So I thought well we'll see you in court then., but the judge had to go to NYC the day of my trial! So I'm still waiting.

She knew I was on a tractor form but never knew the name of it she also does not use Facebook and neither do I. But I do use it to track her 55-year-old boyfriend to make sure he's not posting photos of my child, or talking about being around my child.

Thank you sweetfeet, I do not say anything bad to her or anything bad about her to my daughter. I didn't do or say anything and she already made allegations that got the child taken away from me in the first place! Which resulted in me having my child every Wednesday and every other weekend? I'm a dad that's off from December 1 to April 1 the last three years I've been taking care of my daughter during those months, while mom was at work and who knows we're else! Lol, It has been a very difficult thing to adjust to only seeing your child on a limited basis when you know you've done nothing wrong. I was even in the delivery room! Lol

Jay all of the case file is YOURS!!!! Your current attorney can keep a copy of all of it but the documents are YOURS not the attorney's. You have paid for all of the information in those files including your attorney's services.

Second you should not even be talking to your wife's attorney even in meetings. Your attorney should be talking to her attorney NOT YOU!!!.

Third. HER attorney is going to say what your ex-wife wants. That does not in any way mean that it is going to happen or that you HAVE to settle for that. IF your attorney did not confront her attorney about that right then and there then you REALLY need a better attorney.

Fourth: 15K is not small change but is not that much in today's deflated economy. When a used pickup is more than that it more than likely is not enough.

Fifth: It seems your attorney is not a trial lawyer. Meaning his/her main business is paper type of stuff, like wills and such. You need someone that is more of a trail type of lawyer. They need to be more aggressive. Mr. or Mrs. Milk toast is going to get you beat.

Sixth and last: Anything she typed and did not sign means nothing. You can't prove she typed it unless she signed it with witnesses. Too many people today want everything nice and neat. Meaning typed into a computer and printed out. A hand written document is much easier to prove the author on. A friend of mine is a police investigator. He always reads the statement that some one types and makes small changes on it with a pen and has them put their initials by each change. It makes it a document that is one of kind. So forgery and denials are much harder to do.

Jay I am not trying to get on your case. You are going through a tough time. You need to focus on getting this done just like it is your main job in life. Which it actually is. Raising our children is the main reason we all are on this planet. We will leave nothing more important behind than our offspring. You seem to be reacting to what is going on rather than being proactive. That is what you need to work on. Just setting by while while everything around you happens will earn you a loss in this battle.

jayinny-I have been through pretty much the same thing you are going through. I was 26 yo and had a 3 yo son. Lots of good advice posted here.

I highly recommend the book "How to win custody by Louis Kiefer".

Document, document, document.... keep journals, time date, etc. I have volumes of journals and cardboard file boxes of paperwork.

My custody case was in the mid 1980' when custody was almost always awarded to the mother, unless you could prove she was a poor example as a parent. Plus, I live smack in the middle of the 'Bible Belt'.

I''ll never forget when, at the end of the trial, the judge awarded joint custody with both parties sharing equal expenses. My ex had this lost look on her face and said..."What about my money?". She was looking for child support payment. :lol:

Anyway, since no money was coming in to her, she just abandoned him and I raised him. He is now 31 and still, to this day, every now and then she still calls one of us trying to con us out of money or favors.

Get the book and read it a few times.

Good Luck

Thank you Jd , I do appreciate all of your input I am going to start looking into finding a different attorney, Or getting more aggressive with my current attorney.

How close are you to your ex? NY state code states joint 50-50 custody by default, Unless you are declared unfit in some proceeding. If your attorney can't guarantee that FIRE HIM NOW!

Thanks, I will get that book on amazon!! Hopefully they have it.

jayinNY- I agree with JDSeller. Your current attorney is not going to do squat for you, she is just milking you for $$$$. It won't matter how much pressure you think you can put on her. It seems she is just trying to squeeze you for every $$ she can get from you.

She made up allegations and got an order of protection put on me therefore she got tempoary full legal custody, It's obvious that someone told her to do this probably her attorney, the 55 year old divorced twice boyfriend, her family who knows? I have never been arrested or anything like that, There's no history of police being called to the house etc.

Could not begin to imagine it.

Husband and I will keep you and your little girl in our prayers. Hang it there.

Sadly, yes - at their home.

And sadly, it was before the days of digital cameras and cell phones with cameras.

Jay is your attorney a woman???? If she is then you need to get another attorney RIGHT NOW not later. Most Women are all sisters when it comes to kids. I would not take that chance with my kids.

Also there are few women that are aggressive enough to suit me when it comes to going after stuff like this.

You want the MEANEST crookest lawyer you can afford. This is a dog fight and you want the meanest nastiest dog in the fight.

jay,
Since this is a "tractor talk forum", I think if you back off the slow-idle screw on that tractor carburetor you will find it will run much better.
LA in WI

There is quite a bit of parallel with your situation and a long time friends, who was just able to settle the deal after years of high dollar nonsense. They had been married about the same time, knew each other before that from work at local place etc. They had 2 daughters about starting in '08 and or later. That's when she really took a hard and extremely vicious turn, exhibiting some real insanity like behavior, which does run in their family, I knew them very well myself. In these situations its best to remain neutral, being a friend. She has a high paying job and her agenda through her very nasty woman lawyer, investigation, surveillance, fueled by disposable income spared no expense to discredit and attempt to entrap her former husband, solely for her gain. No expense was spared. The payout he has to make, and the fact that her executive salary boasts a means to fuel destruction, as well as being able to generously care for the daughters, she sent in as many leaches as she could to attach to her ex., whom makes half as much. Fortunately he does have a decent job. She still cost my friend a fortune, even got into his retirement with all of this,(something I utterly despise). Its incredible what a genuinely rotten person is truly capable of. As we know there are 2 sides to this, and my friend never demonstrated any infidelity, cause, or anything by virtue of how he has behaved the entire time they were together. The list of her agenda and the details thereof, bears enough fruit to write a hard core book about the most absolute horrid things a person can do to another in this situation.

I lived through a nasty one myself, my parents. I thought that was the worst imaginable, and some of it still holds some records, but with the demeanor of her attorney, literally badgering the judge, outbursts, insanity, really makes you see how the system is easily compromised.

My advice for an attorney is that you need someone that is demonstratively talented, with a tenacity level above expectation to counter the other side as effectively as the law allows and then some.

He's got about the same extremely limited custody which is completely unfair. He's a great outdoors man and has them out with him any chance he gets, doing the same darned things we did as kids, which was all outdoors, summer and winter.

I've never understood the basis for going to war with another person, it would just be far better to find and amicable solution, fair and equitable, avoid the attorney with the exception of closing the formalities and legal documents. Its beyond belief, that someone can take another persons hard earned retirement, sure its legal, but you are the lowest form of life when you consider this form of a below the belt blow.

The kids suffer immeasurably from this, some worse than others, and its imperative that a quick amicable solution is achieved without exposing the children to the embroiled and contaminated side of this, as its a concentrated poison, administered by self righteous greed. Its truly a form of lust that is hard to comprehend, given what I have seen, someone relentlessly poised and motivated to ruin their former partner, spouse etc. Its truly sad that when things surface, its not going to work and people need to part ways, that on the exit, one or both entrench and embroil themselves with an arsenal of weapons to attack and discredit the other, in a court of law.

Two thoughts come to mind;
1. Am I reading right and your attorney is a woman??? HHmmmm.
2. Our City Attorny once told me, after a long wrangling, long-drawn-out, time-consuming attempt to get him to actually DO something, "Why, it seems like you want to actually ACCOMPLISH something here??"
I realized his priority was to burn up time, get the billable hours.