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You get a 4oz bottle of some salty stuff to take the night before...you drink half...4 hours later your gut rumbles and you fall in love with your toilet for the rest of the evening..every 1-15 minutes...you get to sleep pretty good that night with no toilet episodes..next morning you get to drink the rest of the nasty stuff and you fall in love with the toilet all over again. You have nothing left in you other than water so you wonder why you need to clean out anymore. You get to go to the hospital and you just know that you'll crap yourself before you get there but ...you don't. You get into the area and they get you to take your clothes off and then they insert a IV into the back of your hand. They then wheel you into the colonoscopy room and the nurse make idle chit chat. What you don't know is that she's slipping you a mickey into the IV. Your lights go out. No tunnel, no bright light, no heavenly voices, no nothing. You're dead. Next thing you hear is "Wake up" You wake up and say "When do we start?" They say "You're done". The doctor wanders in and says "We cut out ___polyps, see me in 3 years" or "you're all clear, see me in 8 years" and then he hands you a 4 picture composite of your nasty looking colon...then he says "oh, by the way, you have roids, wanna have me tie them off?" Then you have to fart/pass gas as they loaded up your colon with gas to expand it. When the nurse asks if you passed gas and you say yes, you get to go home. Oh, the doctor may comment how beautifully you prepared your colon for the visit of the tube. The tube is about 1/2" thick, somewhat flexible and the last 3-6" of it is articulated. It has a light, a camera and a place to put tiny roto router tools in it. That's it....well....not quite...the preparation is nothing like you've ever imagined...no diarrhea compares to it, but, you get to do that in the privacy of your own privy with your wife laughing at you.
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