A Puller's Night Before Christmas

The tractors were locked up
All snug in the shed,
With their long stroker cranks
And their high-compression heads.

The wife in the kitchen
Turned and said with a laugh,
"You smell like #2 diesel-
You better get you a bath!"

Then she grabbed my Farmall cap
Right offa my head,
And went up the stairs And headed to bed.

Now, I hafta admit it,
I DID smell kinda lousy;
So I got in the tub,
And I got kinda drowsy.

Well I must've dozed off
In the bathtub that night;
But I awoke in an instant
To a sound that caused fright.

I sprang from the bathtub
And grabbed me a towel;
What I saw out the window,
Well, it caused me to howl!

On the roof of the barn
I spied a miniature sleigh,
And instead of a reindeer
Stood a green John Deere A!

That's all I could see
Through the noise and the smoke;
It was so dadgum thick, Well I thought I would choke!

"On Ollie! On, Massey!
On, Minnie! On, Case!
On, Farmall and Fergie!
Deere, don't fall on your face!"

Then the sleigh left the barn roof
And strained to get higher,
Until Santa pulled the lever
For the Torque Amplifier.

The engines by then
Had brought the wife out of bed,
As Santa re-landed His sleigh on the shed.

He picked up his bag
Filled with marvelous things,
Like camshafts and rockers
And governor springs;

Then, going inside,
Santa moved my old wrenches
And left me some goodies
Atop my workbenches.

Then he sprang back to his sleigh
And as he yanked on the throttle,
He opened the valve
On a large nitrous bottle!

As he motored away,
I heard him say--no bull!--
"Merry Christmas, you pullers,
And to all, a FULL PULL!!!

[And to all of the bad boys--
Though I heard there weren't many--
Instead of a lump of coal,
He left THEM stuff from Denny's!]

But do you recal, the most famous tractor of all?

UDLX the red-nosed Moline. (Had a very shiny nose.)