Dave, there are some people you are just not going to have as close a relationship with as you'd like. My mom, too, is in reasonably good health and in her '70's...but my wife has trouble understanding why Mom and I aren't as close as she and her late mom were. Mom has always put me in the middle of helping her out when she has a problem, but she won't listen to my advice. My sister lives in Colorado,and my brother lives in Indianapolis, so I'm the only one within a 20-minute drive of her house.
Mom is very possessive of everything she has, but then she gets all tripped off when I remind her that just because SHE is in the business of raising horses, that I am not necessarily in the business of raising horses. If she wants advice on something, nothing I tell her is valid, unless my sister tells her the same thing. Then it's only valid because my sister said it, not because I told her the same thing [I suppose that means that every time Sis and I agree,I must've just gotten lucky.]
But whenever there's a problem, guess who's the first person she calls to help out? It sure ain't Sis. I really don't care to hear the latest gossip about the folks she deals with at the Senior Citizen center, and since I don't go to her church, I really don't care who's in the choir and who's causing trouble talking behind people's back. So I really only talk to Mom about once a month. My brother doesn't contact Mom at all; they've had a running feud over trivial stuff for at least 15 years, and I don't care to get into the middle of it. Every time it looks lke they're about to reconcile,one of 'em or the other says something thoughtless, and here we go again!
My brother is another case. He gets all wound up talking sports and politics, and if you don't agree with his opinions, then you have no right to be breathing the same air. Several times I've hung up on him when he's in the middle of a rant. We're only in contact when HE decides to call ME, and lately he's been talking more like family than like some Hitler wannabe, so I've been taking his calls. Sometimes he'll call and engage in meaningless chit-chat for an hour, and after we get off the phone I still don't know exactly why he called...other than maybe just to stay in touch.
We all have our quirks. If you've got a family member whose buttons you tend to push, or who tends to push your buttons, the best idea is to limit contact, and then only over stuff that's important. If it's trivial, let it go, lest you rouse the sleeping beast, so-to-speak. That's how I've done things,and family relations aren't nearly as difficult as they used to be.
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