I agree with DavidG. No two situations are exactly the same, so no specific advice is exactly right. You will have to decide what will work best for your mother and your family.
I would suggest checking to see if your Mother would qualify for Medicaid. It is incredibly expensive to have someone in a nursing home, but Medicaid can pay for that, if you decide that a nursing home is the best solution for your Mother. Qualifying for Medicaid is at least partly based on your Mother"s current assets and income.
My Mom is 97, is in failing health and unfortunately she has significant dementia. A couple of years ago, she had to be placed in a locked dementia unit because she several times had "walked away" from the assisted living facility she lived in. The assisted living facility cost about $3000/month, and the dementia unit costs about$9000/month. At least Mom is safe and reasonably happy there.
Most of the patients in the dementia unit (including my best friend"s father) are being paid for by Medicaid. They get exactly the same level of care as my Mom, other than at least some of them share their room with another patient. My Mom will never qualify for Medicaid, as she has quite a bit of assets, very good pension income and the fact that we invested in Long Term Care insurance years ago. I would admit that it galls me somewhat that besides paying around $9000 a month, we have to pay for her personal needs, like Depends and any personal items, while the Medicaid people get those things without any personal cost.
I think if we had it to do over, we would have transferred my Mom"s assets. as so many people have done with their parents, so she would qualify for Medicaid. But we didn"t and it is too late now...live and learn.
Good luck with whatever you decide with your Mom. Be prepared to have others question what you do and also be prepared to have some guilt feelings if you decide to place her in a facility. But that might be the best solution, both for your Mom and for your family.
Getting old is tough, and getting WAY old is way tougher. I hope I do not have to endure living into my 90"s, as it seems to me from my observations of my Mom and others, that those years after 90 are some of the roughest time of your life. Take care!
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